As an avid watcher of The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Bachelor In Paradise, I've seen some stuff. As the show ups the ante for stunts and over-the-top dates, sometimes, things get weird. Like that tantric sex date with Carly and Chris Soules. Or that kissing date with Carly (why is it always Carly) and Evan when that one piece of saliva between their lips stretched way too long? The ick factor is high at all times on these shows. But none of that really compares to Kevin and Astrid's "sausage kiss" on Bachelor In Paradise this week. That's something that no one needs to experience ever again. Are you listening Chris Harrison? Never. Again.
Let's set the scene — there was sausage on a plate, which is OK, in general, because BiP contestants have to eat. Put that sausage in a bun and give me some mustard, right? But, alas, that's not what happened. Kevin and Astrid, who are a happy couple this week on Bachelor In Paradise decided to just stick a fork in a regular-size (some would say large, even) sausage and go at it from both ends, Lady And The Tramp-style. That's a big hard nope.
After this, they decided to try and make out with their half-masticated sausage bits in their mouth. "Sausage kiss," Astrid and Kevin proclaimed, as if everyone should share in their tube meat-filled happiness (and the obvious double entendre). But, no. They shouldn't have shared, Twitter exclaimed.
It Was One Link Too Far (Get It?)
Ah, sometimes I just can't help myself.
Or It Was Just Gag-Worthy
Just threw up in my mouth a little.
So Many Questions
I don't know that we can expect answers.
And Many Strong Feelings
Everyone has different love languages, but... sausage? Come on.
Kevin Took To Twitter To Defend Himself
It's too little, too late.
Look — all relationships have their own little quirks and idiosyncrasies, but the whole point of having them is that they're supposed to happen behind closed doors. Whether you love to pop your significant other's blackheads or chew her food for her (I'm not here to judge), that's the stuff that makes your relationship your relationship. But, uh, maybe keep that stuff private? We don't need to see how you obsessively tweeze your boyfriend's eyebrows while you binge Stranger Things.
At least this moment added a little bit of levity to an otherwise confusing and, frankly, annoying episode of Bachelor In Paradise. Between Chris' grandstanding and Tia and Colton going back and forth, viewers needed a little something to laugh at. This sausage thing was what Bachelor In Paradise used to be — a season of fun in the sun with too much squishy kissing (the noises, ugh) and the chance for a ring after three weeks of snuggling on a day bed together. Kevin and Astrid's "sausage kiss" may have been a little too much information for viewers (including myself), but at least it was all about love.