We all have deal breakers, non-negotiables which, once they appear in a relationship, make us pack up our toothbrush and say: “It’s not me, it’s your puka shells.” Recently, Reddit users shared their relationship rules that have zero room for compromise.
While everyone has their own little bugaboos that make them want to light their own hair on fire (for me: loud chewing, under-tipping, the name Kevin, using the phrase “case of the Mondays”) for the most part people’s deal breakers are pretty similar. A 2015 study of 5,541 single Americans between the ages of 21 to 76 found that the top three relationship deal breakers for both men and women were a disheveled or unclean appearance, being lazy, and being needy. Also included on the list were “talks too much” and “too quiet”, “does not want kids” and “had kids”, and “too athletic” and “not athletic”, all of which goes to show there’s no winning in dating.
As set in stone as our deal breakers may be though, we often ignore them when someone wonderful comes along (“Maybe this Kevin will be different…”). This can broaden our dating horizons, but as Bethany Marshall, PhD, PsyD, and author of Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Talk Away says: "When you’re with that person at the beginning and something strikes you as odd or bizarre, and it sticks with you, it makes you uncomfortable but you can’t really wrap meaning around it," that's a red flag and it should be taken seriously.
"[...] you have to trust yourself to ask questions about things that make you feel uncomfortable.”
As with anything in life, dating is about striking a balance between exploring what's out there, and trusting your instincts. Here are some deal breakers that Reddit users
There were more posts about this, but they were riddled with curse words and the occasional light misogyny. Anyway, it all boils down to the same thing.
Being forthright is generally way to go. But if that doesn't work, ask them which of your friends they find the most attractive. You know, just to mix it up.
This extremely specific, curtain-based scenario
Idk, I would like more information before I decide whether this constituted an emergency or not.
We all need our space to relax, think, and map our way out of our current relationship.
Too much texting
Save the chit chat for in person, when you can analyze your partner's micro-expressions.
Being rude to wait staff
Quick reminder that you shouldn't be rude to any server, regardless of gender, but A+ sentiment overall.
How many relationships has Dr. Oz ruined? We may never know.
My guess is 16.
Balancing relationships and friendships
Going through your phone
You should never go through someone's phone without their permission, and while we're at it, don't swipe wildly through my pics when I'm trying to show you a picture of a cute dogI saw!! I don't want you to see all of my failed selfies/nudes/screenshots of motivational quotes.
Names that hit a little too close to home
Must love animals
If a person doesn't like animals, they are a cyborg who hates joy.
What about vaping?
Everyone knows, what happens in your relationship is between you, your partner, your crystals, and the ex you drunkenly call after you get in a fight.
People are so demanding, honestly.