If you've ever gone on a date with someone you really liked and wondered if it was a success, the answer is pretty simple. Just think back on the conversations you had. As a newly released survey conducted by Plenty of Fish found, nine out of 10 singles say great conversation is the number one sign of a successful date.
I know it seems pretty obvious. I mean, you can't just go out with someone, stare at each other the entire night and know you're meant to be. You have to talk to someone in order to know whether or not you really click. But according to the survey of 2,000 singles, it may not be as easy as it seems to connect on a date.
In fact, 65 percent of people believe that "conversation is a lost art" and another 61 percent blame technology for messing with our ability to have meaningful face-to-face conversations. If fear of rejection stops you from even just talking to someone you like, you're not alone — 48 percent of people say that's the number one reason why they're hesitant to make the first move. Not knowing what to say comes in at second.
Why A Good Conversation Makes Someone More Attractive
Having good banter over text seems great initially. But knowing how to have a great conversation in person is much more important. According to nearly 90 percent of singles, they say they found someone more attractive after having a conversation with them. In fact, good conversations can give you the opportunity to showcase your intelligence, your "sexy voice," or your sense of humor. According to singles, those are the top three things that made a date appear more attractive.
So if your face-to-face conversation skills are a little rusty, now's a great time to brush up on those skills! Here are some tips on how you can have great conversations on your dates:
1Ask Purposeful Questions
Meaningful topics and questions will give you and your date a chance to open up to each other, Nora Dekeyser, an L.A.-based matchmaker and dating coach with Three Day Rule tells Bustle. Some examples of these include:
- What is your ideal Saturday?
- If you could change anything about your life right now, what would it be?
- Where is your dream vacation?
"These types of questions keep the conversation going, playfully, while letting each other open up," Dekeyser says. And if you need a little bit of inspiration, she suggests to check out the 36 questions that will make you fall in love.
2Be True To Who You Are
You've probably heard it a million times before, but one of the most attractive qualities you can have is confidence. "So be proud of who you are and be true to who you are," she says. That means, stop overthinking what you should or shouldn't say, and just act as if you're meeting an old friend that you've always thought was cute.
3Be Genuinely Interested In Getting To Know Your Date
"You never know if they have a friend that could be your soulmate!" Dekeyser says. "Be genuinely interested in the other person even if you aren't feeling it, it's always good to grow your network."
4Don't Judge Or Try To Persuade Your Date
"If the conversation meanders its way toward religion or politics, don't awkwardly stop the conversation," Dekeyser says. "Intellectual banter is extremely attractive!" So go ahead and be passionate! Openly share how curious you are about certain topics. But try to keep it light, respectful, and open.
"You can always talk about such matters on a deeper level when you get to know the person better," she says.
5Build On Commonalities
"If you find a topic that you both enjoy, dive into it and point out how similar you two are," Dekeyser says. "After, you can continue to ask them specific questions about this topic or compliment them on ways they might have thought of something differently."
Conversation may seem like a lost art, but it doesn't have to be. If you stay true to yourself, make it a point to ask meaningful questions, and seem genuinely interested in your date, you're sure to have some great conversations.