Ruthlessly Ranking This Year’s Puppy Bowl Pups By Cuteness
The Puppy Bowl is celebrating its 15th anniversary this year, which means we've lived through 15 whole years of watching puppies hanging out on a miniature football field and accidentally scoring touchdowns by putting dog toys over a line. That's very much worth celebrating! The starting lineup puppies for the 2019 Puppy Bowl have already been announced and, as always, they were all adoptable. I'm sure they're all great dogs, but, certainly, some are cuter than others. How could they not be?
This year teams Fluff and Ruff include a Chihuahua-Cocker Spaniel named Ace, who "invented Collar ID"; a Maltese-Yorkie named Melody, who "uses blue suede wee-wee pads"; and a Old English Sheepdog named Will, who "also wants to know if Kiki loves him." In total, there are 36 puppies playing this year, so whether you like big dogs, little dogs, fluffy dogs, or dogs who love to "GTL — Groom, Train, Lay", there's something for everyone. Even if you like dogs that aren't cute, you know? 'Cause some of them must be pretty... meh.
That's just the way of the world. Some dogs are cuter than others, so get used to it, pups. For every majestic beautiful canine, there is one that's a little bit rougher (ruffer) around the edges. The Puppy Bowl puppies are all precious, but here's our definitive cuteness ranking:
This American Staffordshire Terrier-Chow Chow mix takes the number one spot on the list. Just look at that face! How could she not!
Tied for first place is Ace, the Chihuahua-Cocker Spaniel, who invented Collar ID. Looks and smarts? What more could you want.
Also tied for first, we have Clara, this little Corgi from Florida whose celebrity crush is Meghan Barkle. Adorable!
It's hard to believe, but in first place we also have Emmitt from Team Ruff. He's an Australian Cattle Dog and Boykin Spaniel — who knows what that is, but he's cute!
Our next winner is Lola, a nice wrinkly girl Shar Pei. Her fun fact is that she has "an extensive scrunchie collection." Impressive!
In the number one spot, here we have Gallagher, a Saint Bernard on Team Fluff with a very serious name.
In second place — No? Still first? OK! Here's Pirate, an English Springer Spaniel-McNab mix.
1. Shy Boy
Shy Boy is a Lhasa Apso-Minature Poodle, and he's the one who likes to GTL. Very deserving of the number one spot.
This Neapolitan Mastiff-American Staffordshire Terrier will be a big dog, but for now, just a good puppy who's tied for number one on this list.
Top dog Bumble is a Lab-Chow Chow, who says you can "swipe right to be my bae."
Moving on down the list, ranking number one is this fluffy guy, Scotch. He's a Chihuahua-Shih Tzu, whose "favorite walker is Johnnie" Well played, Scotch. Well played.
Bella is another Chihuahua-Shih Tzu (apparently, taking more after the Chihuahua side than Scotch), and another dog tied for number one.
This Lab-Siberian Husky "has a tele-paw-thic gift" and now he can add "number one cutest Puppy Bowl puppy" to his résumé.
I mean, really. You guys are going to think this is fixed, but Foles the American Staffordshire Terrier-Akita is also tied for the top spot.
Alexander, the Great Pyrenees (ah, I see what they did there), is a great number one dog.
Dawn the Beagle-Dachshund is so cute! She just has to be in first place!
It's unprecdented, but in a (so far) 17-way tie, American Staffordshire Terrier and Boxer mix Flora ranks in first place.
I don't know who's cuter, Flora or Flo, the Chihuahua-Maltese? Oh wait, that's right. They're the exact same amount of cute. Way to go, girls!
This Chihuahua-Russell Terrier shares a name with five-time Super Bowl champion Tom Brady. And now, he's a champion, too.
Hank the Labradoodle: #1
Bee the Chihuahua-Pekingese: #1
George the Chihuahua-Miniature Poodle: #1
Remington the Beagle: #1
Scooter the Cocker Spaniel-Chihuahua: #1
Marisol, a Miniature Poodle-Catahoula came all the way from Costa Rica to play in the Puppy Bowl. Y ahora, ella es la número uno.
This Maltese has a very sweet name, but his cuteness is mathematically exactly the same as everyone before him (and after him???) on the list.
Bugsy from Team Ruff is a Greyhound and Sato, which is a term for mixed breed dogs in Puerto Rico. He traveled over sea to get here, and now he's number one on the list!
I dunno, y'all. It's really seeming like, shockingly, all the puppies are the same amount of cute, but let's continue anyway with Maisey, a lab from New Jersey.
Awww. Number one! Number one for Melody the Maltese-Yorkie!
How can you say no to number one to that face? You can't. Number one!
Will, the Old English Sheepdog from Texas is number... two? Fifteen? No, no. Number one.
Violet, a Miniature Poodle-Chihuahua, is from Vanderpump Dogs, but her high society life didn't help her reach the top spot. She did that on her own.
We're really getting down to the end here, but yes, it's a 33-way tie with Ziggy the Boston Terrier-Sato joining the equal ranks.
Harry is a Shih Tzu-Chihuahua, and like his Shih Tzu-Chihuahua brethren Scotch and Bella, he's in the top spot.
Oh, just look at this American Staffordshire Terrier-Standard Bulldog being precisely as cute as all the others!
Finally, we have Whitney, a Siberian Husky, who is ranked in last place as number 36.
Oh my god. Whitney. I am so sorry, Whitney. That was an error. You are tied for number one. Please accept my sincerest apologies.
Well, well, well. Looks like all these puppies are pretty cute and inoffensive to the eyes. Who woulda thunk it. If you want to see these equally adorable dogs — And more! This is just the starting lineup — compete in the Puppy Bowl, check it out on Sunday, Feb. 3 at 3 p.m. on Animal Planet.