When you haven't had sex for the first time, the age that you lose your virginity can seem like a huge deal. But in all honesty, it shouldn't be. When you choose to have sex for the first time is up to you.
What is important, however, is changing the way we talk about it. According to licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist, Mary Fisher, CMHC, “Instead of saying, ‘losing your virginity,’ I use the words, ‘making your sexual debut.’ Losing usually has a negative connotation, and your sexual debut should be a positive experience.”
Besides, the concept of "virginity" has problematic associations tagged along to it. For instance, it comes with old-school ideas that women are somehow property, chastity is prized over more important things like consent, non-exploitation, and mutual pleasure, Fisher says. "Considering the fact that there are many ways to start being sexual with another person, it simply makes more sense to define your 'sexual debut' as a premiere series of consensual sexual explorations with another person," she says.
Many define "losing your virginity" as penis-in-vagina sex. But that definition only applies to heterosexual couples who choose to define sex in that way. But what about LBGTQ couples? What about oral sex, anal sex, or even outercourse? Intercourse is not the only way to have sex, and claiming that is the only way to make your sexual debut is simply inaccurate.
While having sex for the very first time really shouldn't matter to anyone but you, it's not uncommon to wonder where you stack up against others. Sexual health brand, Durex, conducted a study of more than 317,000 people from 41 countries to discover the average age people lose their virginities — aka made their sexual debut —around the world for their 2005 Global Sex Survey. On average, people start having sex around the world at around 17. While people in some countries start having sex at an average age of 15.6, others do it as old as old as nearly 20. The United States falls somewhere in the middle at 16.9. But despite knowing all this, does the age at which you first have sex really matter?
Some experts, like dating coach and matchmaker, Laura Bilotta, say, absolutely not. “The ‘right’ time to lose your virginity is whenever you feel like you’re ready,” she tells Bustle.
So just for fun, here are the average ages people first had sex around the world: