The Best "My First Time" Tweets That Prove Having Sex Can Be Incredibly Awkward
Let's just be real for a minute: having sex for the first time is nothing like what you see in movies or on TV. In fact, it can be downright awkward and messy — and that's totally normal. As much as we all might wish our first time was filled with rose petals, soft music, and miraculous multiple orgasms, the reality is that figuring out how to have good sex takes time, and almost no one nails it from the get-go.
If you ask me, all the hype surrounding losing your virginity (and the concept of virginity itself) is unnecessary: perpetuating the idea that having sex for the first time should be a universally magical, wonderful experience only creates pressure and anxiety for those who are yet to have sex. Obviously, there's no rule that says your first time is guaranteed to be awful — for many people, it really is magical! — but you shouldn't feel embarrassed, ashamed, or blame yourself if everything doesn't go according to plan... because you're far from alone in your disappointment.
In case you need any more proof that having sex for the first isn't all it's cracked up to be, here are 13 tweets from the #MyFirstTime trending topic on Twitter, where people revealed the nitty gritty truth about what their first time having sex was really like.
1A Bad Rollercoaster Ride
Puking might not be the best addition to your first time, but hey, at least it lasted 12 minutes!
2Mostly A Failure
Even if you need some time to get down the mechanics of sex, having sex for the first time with someone you trust and care about will make the experience much better.
3Short And Sweet
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you're expecting an hour-long ~love-making session~ your first time around, you'll probably be sorely disappointed.
This pretty much sums it up: the first time is often full of awkward moments — so all you can do is laugh and learn as you go forward.
I couldn't find a more appropos GIF if I tried.
6All Around Disappointing
If you're disappointed with how your first time went down, don't worry: you'll have plenty more chances to practice and get it right.
7Don't Forget To Breathe During Oral
Even more terrifying than having intercourse for the first time? Trying to figure out how oral sex works (spoiler: you need to breathe, even with someone's genitals in your mouth).
8First And Last Time
Just because you have sex once doesn't necessarily mean you've opened the sexual floodgates: there could still be a dry spell afterwards.
9Worst Cases Scenario
Nightmare scenario: being walked in on by your partner's (or your own) parents during your first time — run!
10Not Enjoyable At All
The harsh truth? Sometimes your first time just plain sucks, especially if your partner isn't focused hard on your pleasure.
11Inexperience Shining Through
If there's anything worse than the nerves of having sex for the first time, it's definitely having someone ask if it's your first time during your first time.
12Almost A Full Minute Long
No need to light the candles and cue up a romantic playlist for less than a minute of action, am I right?
13And One That Went Pretty OK
Finally — someone who actually had a decent experience having sex for the first time!
In all seriousness, though, there's no reason to worry too much about how your first time will go if you haven't had sex yet: the less pressure you put on yourself, the better your experience will be. And if you've already lost your virginity and are reminiscing about how cringeworthy it was, you can at least take comfort in knowing you're not alone.