Lately, I've been feeling like we need a corollary to Rule 34 of the Internet, which states that if something exists, there's porn of it: If something exists, there's a sex toy of it. I've seen some weird sex toys pop up, and it makes sense. Sex is a time for us to let loose and have fun, which sometimes includes silliness. So, perhaps paradoxically, adult products can bring out our inner children.
The variety of stuff that can give people sexual pleasure is pretty amazing. According to one Reddit thread, the things people have masturbated with include a Harry Potter broomstick, a hand sanitizer bottle, a crystal, and a banana peel. So, why not throw in a rubber ducky or unicorn horn?
Personally, I'm all for products like these. I'm getting bored of seeing phallic object after phallic object (and the occasional egg) on the shelves of sex toy shops. One day, maybe there'll be as many adult toys as there are kids' toys, because people of all ages deserve a variety of things to play with.
Here are a few of the weirdest sex toys I've ever seen — and by weird, I actually mean awesome.
1
Unicorn Horn Dildo
Unicorn Horn Dildo, $50, Amazon
This toy promises "the most magical orgasms" and a "fairy tale ending," and who wouldn't want that? It's also got a suction cup that can attach to the body for role playing. We're really hoping those aren't as sharp as actual unicorn horns.
2
Corn On The Cob Dildo Vibrator
Corn On The Cob Vibrator, $22, Amazon
Everyone likes to eat corn, so why wouldn't your vagina? "Who hasn’t had the fantasy of using a corn on the cob shaped vibrator on their partner?," this product's description reads. It's a valid question.
3
Pig Tail Butt Plug
Pig Tail Anal Plug, $17, Amazon
If you want to go to bed looking like a little piggy, this has got you covered. According to its Amazon page, it's frequently bought with pig noses and ears, so we know at least some people are acting out their own barnyard fantasies.
4
Jackhammer Jesus Dildo
Jesus Dildo, $65, Devine
For some people, sex can be a spiritual experience. "Jesus was a carpenter, now he’s the powertool," reads the description to what is possibly the world's most politically incorrect sex toy.
5
Fantasy Football Stroker
Fantasy Football Stroker, $29, Amazon
If you love football so much you've wanted to make love to the ball, this one's for you.
6
Stan The T. Rex Dildo
This dildo comes in five different sizes and has its own accompanying fan fiction. "Stan smashed through nearby trees, making way to the recently unelectrified boundary," it reads. "With a terrible roar, he tore the metal cables as though they had been made of cheap plastic. He would find the guests seeking the tyrant dinosaur. And he would make their visit worthwhile." Admit it: You want to know what happens next.
7
I Rub My Duckie Vibrators
I Rub My Duckie, $29, Amazon
Bath time will be extra fun with these rubber duckies in delightful costumes, including a pirate hat and a fuzzy boa.
8
Dildo Gas Mask
This toy kills two birds with one stone: pleasuring your partner and protecting yourself from dangerous gases. Perhaps recognizing that there's pretty much no situation when you'd need both of those things, its creators have discontinued it.
If you can get past the weirdness, a lot of these probably work just as good as your standard phallic-shaped sex toy. And it does sound like fun to invite dinosaurs and unicorns into your bedroom.
