This Craigslist Post About Black Magic Is Looking For People To "Perform Spells" On Themselves
Are you an out-of-work witch looking to pad your resume? Do you want to take your recreational interest in ghouls and spirits to the next level? Did you see The Craft once and are like, “I could do that”? Have I got the gig for you. The A.V. Club has discovered this Craigslist ad looking for “black magic” test subjects, and I’m surprised you even finished reading this sentence and didn’t immediately click away to that Craiglist ad.
The listing was posted in Brooklyn’s “talent gigs” section on Craigslist three days ago with the title, “Need test subject for spells and black magic.” The title raises a lot of questions. Like, “what?” and “how?” and “Is this in preparation for the Practical Magic remake our country needs right now?” Unfortunately, the ad doesn’t really give many answers.
Should you respond to the listing, you must be down to “perform spells with us” as well as “on yourself.” So, a basic level of spell casting is likely a requirement for this position. A basic level of being okay with having spells cast on you was an assumed part of the job. Also, now there is an “us” involved apparently? How many people will you be the test subject for?
The next line in the ad is, “we drink and hunt ghosts throughout America.” Okay, now we’re talking about doing a little ghost busting. That seems like kind of a big thing to just sandwich in the middle of the ad. How much ghost hunting experience is required? What if you’re into spells but less into ghost hunting? I guess the venn diagram of people who like spells and ghosts is probably just a circle. Anyway, at least you’ll be a little buzzed for the whole thing. (They are drinking alcohol...right? RIGHT?!)
You also “must have a flexible schedule,” which I suppose is to be assumed. Ghost hunting and black magic don’t abide by your typical Monday through Friday, nine to five schedule.
Any interested parties must also have a “desire to appear in filming.” That’s it. That’s all the details. It’s just, “wanna do black magic and hunt ghost and also be on camera for something serious offers only thanks.” What are they filming? Who will be watching it? Are you sure it’s not a reboot of Practical Magic? Will Nicole Kidman be there? Wait, who’s filming?
Fingers crossed that this has something to do with the witches who cast a spell on Donald Trump. In case you aren’t familiar, a Facebook page for a mass spell was started after Trump’s inauguration. According to the page, the spell is going to “be performed at midnight on every waning crescent moon until he is removed from office.” The spell has no intention of doing physical harm to Trump. Instead, it’s meant to prevent him from doing harm to others. The next spell is next Monday, September 18 at 11:59 p.m. So, get your bad Trump photos and orange candle stumps ready, because that’s part of what you need to complete the spell.
This call for magic test subjects isn’t even the creepiest Craigslist ad to pop up in the last month. In August, someone put out a call for a woman to impregnate during the eclipse. In a word: yikes. Who is this person looking to do the impregnating? Oh, just an average dude with probably v. normal ideas about race who describes himself like this: “My heritage is strong and pure” and “My looks, instincts, knowledge and strength is 100% pure and 100% lethal.” Cool! So great! I feel very safe and not panicky at all!
While that ad has expired, the magic test subject one is still up so act quickly. Oh and it’s probably worth noting that the compensation for this gig is nothing. Yep, the job is “no pay.” But isn’t the experience of having black magic spells cast on you payment enough?