This Transcript of Stephen Colbert’s Emmys Monologue Has Him Doing The Savage Political Commentary He's Known For

When Stephen Colbert was announced as the host of the Emmy Awards, fans knew that the event would be full of current political moment. The star's own show has become a nightly source of cutting political commentary. The full transcript of Colbert's opening monologue at the 2017 Emmys shows that there is little political ground he's afraid to take on. If his opening number called out viewers for relying on television too heavily as a means of ignoring the current political moment, his opening remarks took on that moment directly.

Colbert began by taking a a traditional dig at Hollywood's biggest stars. "This is exciting. Can you feel it? This is TV’s greatest honor, us celebrating us. Tonight we binge ourselves. Can you feel it?" he asked. "This room is crackling with the collective energy of people who for the last 48 hours have consumed nothing but distilled water and Crest white strips."

Then the star took a moment to acknowledge that Game of Thrones wouldn't be nominated for the most recent season, which actually opens up the competition to some new shows. Colbert said,

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He then continued with some routine thank yous to the network, but he was also sure to recognize the first responders who helped people during the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey:

Elaborating on first responders' impact and importance, the host added,


Finally, Colbert turned his attention toward Donald Trump, who is likely to be on the receiving end of most of the night's biggest burns.

Of course, this is the first time that most of the Emmy-nominated shows find a home on streaming networks and joked about this shift appropriately. Colbert elaborated,


And, no joke about technology would be complete without one comment on Ted Cruz, whose Twitter account recently liked a pornographic video.

More Donald Trump jokes ensued, and Colbert's ability to seamlessly work them into the monologue is noteworthy:

Much like all of us, Colbert needs to know what happens to Milo Ventimiglia's character on This Is Us, but unfortunately he wasn't able to get the fans any answers. He explained,

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Then in one of the most jaw-dropping moments, Colbert continued,

Colbert walked off the stage with that one, before returning and shouting out one of Hollywood's most talented. He said,

After that, he touched on Saturday Night Live, as well as one of Trump's more surprising decisions. Colbert said,


Continuing the trend of going in on Trump, Colbert brought up a seemingly sore subject. He told the crowd,

At that moment, the camera flawlessly panned to Meyers, who had literal marbles drop from his mouth. A+ timing there.

And then Colbert only continued to hammer his point home:

Yikes to that popular vote joke. He then emphasized what seemingly matters most to the U.S. leader by adding,

Spicer then appeared on screen — podium and all — to say, "This will be the largest audience to witness an Emmys period. Both in person and around the world." Then, Colbert wrapped it up with the ultimate kicker.

And there you have it — Colbert's Trump-filled speech, in full. Honestly, did you expect anything less from one of the kings of latenight?