This Might Be The Pettiest 'Bachelor' Fight Ever

Rick Rowell/ABC

We all know that Colton doesn't move that fast in his relationships, but we know that his season of The Bachelor is sure going at warp speed. Usually, the franchise saves a stupid nothing fight between two female contestants for a two-on-one date later in the season, but Colton's The Bachelor is hitting it hard, straight out of the gate. And Tracy and Demi's fight on The Bachelor may have been the silliest, most asinine, most mind-numbing disagreement in the history of the franchise — including Bachelor In Paradise.

It all started (I think? It's only the second week, so it's hard to tell) when Demi, a Disney princess sprung off the screen, declared herself the winner of the first group date rose. Well, Tracy, a West Hollywood-based stylist who loves a crop talk almost as much as Scheana Marie, didn't like it. She didn't like it one bit. Tracy's argument was that Demi's behavior was immature, that she shouldn't have gone out and simply touched the rose or smooched Colton on the group date. Demi should have, I don't know, been more demure and waited her turn until Colton deigned to grace Demi with his presence? I wasn't clear on what Tracy actually wanted.

My first question for Tracy is if she knows what show she is on. Nobody got anywhere on this show by being nice or passive all the time. Is Demi wife material for Colton? I'm not sure. It's too early to tell if Colton is really into her. She didn't get the group date rose in an official capacity — that went to Elyse, the 31-year-old woman who said she could teach Colton a thing or two. But because Tracy didn't agree with Demi (a "child," she calls her), Tracy felt the need to call Demi out and lay out all of the things she did wrong. Namely, take the thunder away from the other girls. Again, did you think you signed up for the reboot of Little Women, or what? This is The Bachelor. You're not here to make friends, Tracy.

Demi uttered a half-hearted apology, and then the two slunk off to their respective corners. And everything was wonderful and nothing hurt.

This is the second fight in as many episodes that left two contestants walking away from the other thinking they'd won the fight. In the first episode, Catherine's constant interrupting earned her a talking-to from Onyeka to tell Catherine to not "steal" the Bachelor from other women during the cocktail parties. Which is what makes the show fun to watch. Now, Tracy scolded Demi for asserting herself with Colton, something a contestant should be doing. What gives?

It's safe to say that the unwritten rules of The Bachelor have gone by the wayside many, many seasons ago. This show is a free-for-all, and contestant should interrupt and assert themselves as much as they can in order to make themselves heard. At the best, they'll nab the Bachelor. At the worst, they'll earn 500,000 Instagram followers (actually, you may want to reverse those two, depending on your reason for being on the show). So Tracy probably just needs to chill or find another way to get attention, because this whole thing about the rose ain't it. For now, Tracy and Demi's nothing fight takes the cake as the most ridiculous of the season, but don't worry — there's plenty more to come.