The Bachelor has long since jumped the shark, the dolphin, the manta ray, and whatever other aquatic creature a viewer could think of. Because the show has been on so long, it's hard to imagine any more original dates — it pretty much sticks to the script of helicopters, romantic dinners, roses, and venomous two-on-one dates, but on Colton's season of The Bachelor, he had one awesome choo-choo-chugging addition to his transportation options. Colton's train date on The Bachelor was an amazing analogy to the show in general, and fans thought so, too.
Colton's season has gone from Southeast Asia to Denver, Colton's hometown, and we've seen it all — his dog, his parents, and a very ornate and special life-size train in the middle of the Colorado woods! Said train is perfect for a group date because it's interesting and kind of romantic? Maybe? But it's even more perfect for group date eliminations, because producers can throw the rejected contestants on the train and watch them slowly fade away into the distance, born back ceaselessly into the past.
It's a new mode of transport for The Bachelor, and it's also a great metaphor for the program because it's a trainwreck. Now, it's closer to being a literal trainwreck! Get it? Fans thought so, at least.
There Were Some Dystopic Similarities
May the odds be ever in your favor, guys.
Even The Bachelor Creator Got In On The Joke
This is a very important moment in cinematic history, so I get it.
There Were Nominations On Who Should Be On The Next Train
Mind the gap, Kirpa.
Of Course, Thomas The Tank Engine Appeared
Arguably the best train of all time.
Some Thought This Would Haunt Everyone Later
No more loud noises!
Many Thought Heather Left In The Nick Of Time
Really, We're All Just Waiting For The Fence
When is this going to happen again?
This isn't the first time we've been trolled by Bachelor producers (see: Nick as the Bachelor, Arie as the Bachelor, etc. etc.), but this train date is a whole new level of Bachelor tomfoolery. A show that makes its most memorable moment by going off the rails has now adopted trains as a convenient form of transportation? I couldn't have written it better myself, which is probably what Colton's producers had in mind when they planned the whole thing.
Fans loved the train bit, but we're overlooking what the trains mean — Colton is eliminating multiple girls on nearly every date. Either he knows what he wants and knows exactly how to get it, or he's panicking and just sending any woman he's nervous about home. Colton cries when his tie doesn't match his suit, so I am personally leaning toward the last options, but hey — maybe he's doing this for all of the right reasons. The train on this trainwreck show is simply to hurry along Colton's eventual proposal so that he and his intended can get to living their life together as soon as possible.