People always tell you to follow your intuition, but it’s hard to know what’s your intuition talking and what’s your mind, your emotions, or something else entirely. So where is your intuition, anyway? Some say it’s a feeling you’ll have in your gut — but sexological body worker and sex/relationship coach Kai Wu thinks it also resides a little further south: in your genitals.
Wu uses touch and coaching to help people connect to their bodies after dealing with trauma, shame, repression, and other forces that have disconnected them. Often, she finds that in the process of connecting to their bodies, people also connect to their intuitions. When something seems right, she tells Bustle, we often feel “turned on” — not in the sense of wanting to have sex, but just in the sense of feeling alive. It’s not in the genitals exclusively; we feel our emotions in our whole bodies. But since the genitals are often blocked off, reawakening them can also reawaken our intuitions.
One advantage Wu has noticed in her own personal journey to reconnect with her genital-based intuition is that she no longer feels the need to make pro and con lists. She just does what feels right. Sound amazing? Here are some ways to connect to your genitals and figure out what your intuition is trying to tell you.
Have A Conversation With Your Genitals
It may sound silly, but Wu sometimes guides clients through conversations with their genitals in order to unlock repressed emotions. You might want the guidance of a professional to do this, since many people have trouble figuring out what their genitals might say. But if you can, ask yourself what yours would say if they had a voice. Ask what they would like you to know or how they would like you to treat them differently. You might be surprised by what you hear.
“Ask” Your Genitals For Advice
If you have a big decision to make, see how your body responds to the different options. You might, for example, put a hand on your heart and see if considering one particular option makes it beat faster. Or, you could tune into your genitals and see if one possibility makes more blood rush down there. This is the feeling of being “turned on” — not necessarily sexually aroused, but just excited about something.
“A couple of months ago, I couldn't decide between two desserts,” says Wu. “They both sounded equally good. I presented the choice to my mind, my heart, and my pussy. I let my pussy break the tie because she had one choice (while my mind couldn't choose between the two). Even if I am not following my pussy's advice all the time, I do try to loop her in because I want her perspective and for sure I want to take her desires into account. She gives me a wider perspective on things.”
Give Your Genitals Some TLC
Part of connecting to your genitals is treating them with care so they feel safe to speak up when their input is needed. Look at them, experiment with different kinds of touch, and figure out what feels good. “Becoming more familiar with what our pussies looks like, touching it, tending to it, pleasing it in ways that feel good and nurturing, are wonderful ways to really integrate that part of ourselves to our beings. It becomes less separate from us,” Wu says. “So many of us think it looks weird, are too sensitive about the smells it may have, think it is ugly, etc. All of those things disconnects us from our pussies and thus separate us from the wisdom that our pussies may have for us.”
So, the next time you hear a joke about men “thinking with the wrong head,” you can say there’s actually some truth to it — except it’s not gender-specific, and it’s not wrong. The heads on our necks definitely have something to offer, but the ones between our legs have some valuable insights, too.