Why Is Fruitcake Served At Christmas? This Twitter Hashtag, #FakeFruitcakeFacts, Is Attempting To Find Out

Share
Ad failed to load

Fruitcake is the gift that keeps on giving — literally. No one ever seems to eat this weird holiday "food." Instead, a fruitcake recipient simply regifts it to someone else. These tweets about fruitcake will totally make your holiday because, what's the deal with fruitcake anyways? People on Twitter are speculating about the fruitcake's cycle of life with the hashtag #FakeFruitcakeFacts, and the results are beyond hilarious. I somehow ended up with a fruitcake one holiday, and before I left for a New Year's trip to Florida my mom gave it to me in case we needed a snack during the drive.

I took the fruitcake, as one does when presented with a fruitcake, and I ended up using it to get the attention of another car in our caravan. Not everyone on the trip had cellphone, and when we crossed the state line into Florida, I chucked the fruitcake out the window to signal my friend to stop. File that under eleventy million uses for a holiday fruitcake. According to the Smithsonian magazine, the fruitcake has been around since the Middle Ages. And, it's totally plausible that there is still one floating around from that time.

"[In] Colorado there is an annual fruitcake toss where unwanted loaves are bid adieu by medieval means — namely, catapults," Jesse Rhodes wrote. "There seems to be a cultural expectation that we collectively loathe this token baked good." So, it seems I was actually engaging in a tradition by throwing my fruitcake. Who knew?

Ad failed to load

And, perhaps because people are inclined to throw fruitcakes, they can be used as weapons.

Ad failed to load

You can also use them to ward off zombies. And, let's face it, this is a necessity during these troubled times.

Just make sure you don't hit an innocent bystander when you fling your fruitcake out the window.

Ad failed to load

If you amass a collection of fruitcakes, you can use them to redecorate your house on the cheap.

Ad failed to load

If you're the kind of person who can solve any problem with a book of matches and a stick of gum, consider adding fruitcake to your toolbox.

While a homemade fruitcake might be tasty, getting a mass-produced fruitcake as a gift is really proof that this person does not like you. At all.

Ad failed to load

Seriously, it's the most passive-aggressive gift you can give.

Ad failed to load

And, if you get one, perhaps it's time to make some new friends.

If you are unlucky enough to get a fruitcake, you might want to hold onto it in case you run out of food during the zombie apocalypse. Like its distant cousin Twinkies, fruitcakes last forever.

Ad failed to load

This is why fruitcakes are an integral part of any good disaster kit.

Ad failed to load

Because, expiration dates are really just suggestions. Seriously, it's true.

And, like holding a seashell to your ear can help you hear the sound of the ocean, holding a fruitcake to your ear has its own special powers.

Ad failed to load

No one really knows what's in a fruitcake. Perhaps it's made by throwing everything in your house you don't know what to do with, but don't want to throw away, into a bowl of cake batter.

Ad failed to load

While hardly anyone seems to eat fruitcake, people do find plenty of other uses for this holiday dessert.

Including using them as hair extensions.

Ad failed to load

Or, to repave your patio.

Ad failed to load

Sometimes, brave people actually do bite into a recycled fruitcake, which isn't so great for the next person on the fruitcake gift list.

The fruitcake is the only food that was made once and continued to reproduce on its own.

Ad failed to load

If you want to clean out your system before the end of the year, the fruitcake is a great alternative to the master cleanse.

Ad failed to load

Perhaps this is why Keith Richards of the The Rolling Stones will outlive all of us.

While Richards' might be able to stomach this brick of a cake, the Christian Science Monitor reported that, the ratio of the density of the average fruitcake to the density of mahogany is the same. And, a fruitcake can last for up to 25 years if stored properly.

Ad failed to load

So, if this ends up being one of your holiday gifts this year, there's a pretty good chance you're not the first one to get it. No worries, if you don't want to be one of the 47 percent of people who immediately throw it in the trash, just store it until next year and pass it on, as one does with fruitcake. #FakeFruitcakeFacts

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

7 Signs Your Energy Is Closed Off To Love, According To A Psychic

Finding love requires more than just the actions of going on dates or setting up an online dating profile. It also requires opening yourself up to love and giving off the vibe that you're open. You may not even realize it if you're energetically bloc…
By Suzannah Weiss

Bustle's Editors On Ice Dancing + Rihanna

For those of you who had a holiday on President's Day, welcome to the start of the work week! And for everyone who worked yesterday, you're one day closer to the weekend, woo! Today's been a fairly chill day so far — we've got more on the Winter Olym…
By Danielle Colin-Thome

It Took Heather Graham YEARS To Make A Movie About Women Ditching Toxic Men. The Reason? Men.

They say you should write what you know. But in Hollywood, that age-old advice apparently needs an addendum: Write what you know — as long as men are into it. And for actor and newly minted director/screenwriter Heather Graham — a woman who swam thro…
By Kelsea Stahler

Target Just Launched A Gorgeous New Home Brand — And Most Pieces Are Under $30

Design lovers rejoice! Everyone's favorite store for pretty much everything is about to make all your daring decorating dreams come true. Today, Target's corporate blog issued a press release that provides a peek into Target's new homeware line, Opal…
By Callie Tansill-Suddath

17 Brilliant Ways To Support Parkland Survivors Wherever You Are

Following the massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, survivors are demanding Congress take action. A large group of students who survived the shooting are opposing politicians' "thoughts and prayers," arguing that inst…
By Sarah Beauchamp

Here's Where Your Next Trip Should Be, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

If you've been craving a vacation, now is a good time to take the plunge. According to data collected by travel site Expedia, late winters and early spring are pretty much the best times of the year to go on vacation. Based on average airfare ticket …
By Callie Tansill-Suddath

How This Quadriplegic Beauty Lover Beat Cancer & Became A Professional Makeup Artist

In 2010, one day before she was supposed to start cosmetology school, Steph Aiello was involved in a car crash that left her paralyzed from the waist down with limited ability to move her hands and one of her closest friends dead. She would spend the…
By Sara Tan

7 Common Marriage Rules That Aren't Good For Relationships

When it comes to marriage, everyone loves to give their two cents, and with all the warnings and advice floating around out there, no wonder people find marriage intimidating. Luckily, you don't always have to play by the rules, and there's some bad …
By Carina Wolff

The Infuriating Way Hollywood Movie Sets Are Designed To Make Life Harder For Women

Whitney Cummings is fed up — with the way Hollywood treats women, and in particular, the way the it treats female directors who have children. While the entertainment industry may be working hard to get more women behind the camera, Cummings wants to…
By Casey Cipriani

Why Uggs Are Never Going Away, Whether You Like Them Or Not

Uggs. The word alone can conjure up memories of teenage years, regrettable outfits, and undeniable comfort. But if, like me, you thought that you've already said goodbye to those fleece-lined tan boots, you can think again. It seems fashion has adopt…
By Lauren Sharkey

Netflix's New Romantic Movie Will Have You Crying Like It's 'The Fault In Our Stars'

Cancer movies are a heartbreaking staple of Hollywood and have been for decades. It's almost a law of nature: new year, new cancer movie. This year, it's Netflix's Irreplaceable You, a heartbreaking original about a longtime couple who get thrown for…
By Olivia Truffaut-Wong

Here Are All The Terms You Need To Know If You’re Watching Olympic Ski Events Right Now

Every four years the Winter Olympics rolls around to remind me that A) there are so many important Winter Olympic sports, and B) I know virtually nothing any of them. And I know for a fact, I'm not alone, I bet most people don't know what the differe…
By Danielle Colin-Thome

Adam Rippon and Mirai Nagasu Have Matching Tattoos & The Story Is So Cute

Olympic season gives people the feels. From those shipping Canadian ice dancing pair Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir to Shaun White's gold medal win on Tuesday, the feels are real. Now, there's another reason to get all up in your emotions. Adam Rippon a…
By Shea Simmons

A New Study Says Being In A Relationship Could Change Your Taste In Wine — Here's How

I’d be willing to bet that for many of you, a nice bottle of wine is awaiting you in your near future — and if you’re planning on sharing that bottle with a partner, there might be more to your choice than meets the eye: According to recent research,…
By Lucia Peters

Carrie Brownstein On Why Even The Obama Era Should Have Enraged You

An icy January morning soon after Hollywood's show of solidarity for the #MeToo movement at the Golden Globes and almost exactly one year into the Trump Administration feels like a momentous time to be sitting across from Carrie Brownstein. The Sleat…
By Samantha Rollins

Here’s What The Upcoming Year Of The Dog Means For Your Chinese Zodiac Sign

On Feb. 16 the world will celebrate the Chinese New Year, welcoming the Year of the Dog in like the good doggo it is — we hope. A new year means new zodiac predictions for the 365 days ahead. So, what does the Year of the Dog mean for your Chinese zo…
By Brittany Bennett

7 Signs You're Ready To Get Into A Relationship, According To Experts

It can be difficult to tell when you're ready to start dating again. Maybe you're coming off of a bad breakup, maybe you've just been focused on other things. And, ironically, one of the signs that you're ready to be in a relationship is that you're …
By Lea Rose Emery

I Got A Breast Reduction & It Was About So Much More Than The Size Of My Boobs

As a young teenager, I pretty much reached peak physical maturity overnight. One day I was wearing my first training bra a la Lizzie McGuire, and the next I was sweatily fumbling around a Victoria’s Secret with 32DD boobs, trying to summon up the cou…
By Sierra Taylor Horton

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
via Romper

The 15 Best Fiction Books Of February Feature Tons Of Extraordinary Women

When the cold winds of February blow in, there's nothing I want more than to hide under my covers with a good book. Luckily, there's more than a few fantastic new fiction books coming out this month, so the only tough decision you'll have to make is …
By Melissa Ragsdale

17 Moms Reveal The Most Disgusting Part Of Their Pregnancy

Pregnant bodies do weird-ass things. Weird-ass, gross things. I mean, my pregnant body did (twice), and I have long-suspected I'm not alone. So I asked other moms to share the most disgusting part of their pregnancy and I learned that, not only am I …
via Romper