Sex & Relationships
"Are My flowers in the mail?"
The RiteAid is overstocked with flowers and chocolates, but you're standing in the shampoo section thinking about your ex. From sappy to petty, Feb. 14 can bring up a bouquet of emotions — especially about the past. If you're thinking of reaching out to an old flame, these nine texts to send an ex on Valentine's Day are a great place to start.
"Be aware of what you want from the ex," Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist and author of Joy from Fear, tells Bustle. "Short-term reassurance? Sexual comfort? Friendship? Conversation? Or some combination?"
According to Dr. Manly, before you hit "send," it's prudent to think about why you're texting your ex. Is V-Day making you nostalgic? Are you still mad that they dumped you for your Soul Cycle instructor? Did you lose your vibrator charger, and you're horny AF? (Is it all of the above?)
"When you are clear on your goals and needs, you will be able to be clear with your ex on what you are seeking," Dr. Manly says. "If your ex has needs that are aligned with yours, the outcome can be positive."
Whatever you're feeling, Dr. Manly urges being honest with yourself. If your ex is already dating someone else, reaching out to them might make your heartache worse. However, if you're earnestly trying to be friends, Dr. Manly shares that reaching out may help you reconnect.
Here are nine texts to send an ex on V-Day.
If you're over the breakup, but feeling sentimental:
1. Just walked by that awful sushi place that I made us go to last Valentine's Day. You were right. I shouldn't trust an influencer's restaurant recs. I hope you're doing well.
If you spent your last V-Day with your ex, sharing a sweet memory lets your ex know you're thinking of them and don't have any hard feelings.
2. OK, remember my terrible coworker with that tech bro boyfriend? He just crashed our Zoom to serenade her. I needed to tell you.
If your ex knew your best friend or always listened to you talk about your boss, telling them what someone else did for V-Day can be a silly and sweet way to reach out.
3. Hey, I know this is a little cheesy on Valentine's Day, but I'm standing in CVS looking at all the fake flowers, and I wanted to say that I'm really glad we dated. I only have happy memories of our time together, and I wish you the best.
If you and your ex parted on a good note or finally feel a sense of closure, let them know you're happy for the time you had together and wish them well moving on.
4. My mom just sent me a picture of the flowers my dad bought her and asked if anyone got me flowers. I feel... burned? Dragged? Exposed?
Whether your ex knew your family or just heard stories about them, reaching out with a funny story can make them laugh and ease any lingering tension.
If you're trying to rekindle the spark:
5. Thought you should know that my mom just tried to set me up with the mailman. That is how single I am.
Letting your ex know where you're at (read: very, very single) allows them to take the next step.
6. Som are my flowers in the mail? Or?
If you and your ex are still friendly, making a joke about them sending you chocolates and flowers can break the ice without putting too much pressure on anything.
7. Hypothetically speaking, if someone were to ask you what you were doing tonight, would you be free?
Floating the idea to hang out playfully lets you see what your ex is feeling without putting anyone on the spot.
If you're super sad and not over the breakup:
8. Hey, you doing OK today? There are happy couples everywhere. It's not the vibe I need.
If the breakup was hard for you and your ex, you might both be feeling extra tender today. Reach out and let them know you're in your feelings. Make space for them to share as well.
9. Valentine's Day is reminding me how sad I still am about everything. If you're in a place to talk, I think I'd benefit from getting some clarity and closure.
Asking your ex if they're open to talking lets you open communication without pressuring anyone. If they're not up for talking, reach out to a friend or family member.
10. *Nothing*
Listen, the onslaught of heart-shaped candies and teddy bears are enough to make anyone emotional about their ex. If you're not sure what to say or not sure you're texting them for the right reasons, text your best friend or sister instead. Buy yourself some candy and watch your favorite cheesy movie. Your ex is in the past, but caring for yourself is the present.
Experts:
Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of 'Joy from Fear'
