You've got a
new crush, and you are feeling it. Three dates in, you're already looking up cute Airbnb staycations and romantic bistros with outdoor dining. You're about to send them a cute yoga selfie when they hit you with: "I don't think we're a match." After processing the initial shock (and Postmating yourself a giant bowl of pho), knowing how to respond to a rejection text message can help you move on with grace (and get closer to finding someone who is a good match).
According to dating coach
Meredith Golden, having a "rejection response" saved in your phone notes may save you some energy and heartache. "There's less sting if you don’t have to write it out every single time," Golden tells Bustle. "You certainly don't have to respond, but it’s nice to take the high road." If you're totally bummed about your crush calling it quits, Golden suggests practicing cognitive reframing or changing the way you see the situation. "I prefer the term 'closure' to 'rejection,' Golden says. "Closure is beneficial!"
When you’re crafting your response to a rejection text, says
Thalia Ouimet, a matchmaker and dating coach, “It never warrants a very long, dragged-out text.” In fact, the other person is probably hoping there won’t be a super long response. Some connections aren't intended to become long-term serious relationships — and that's OK. (Even if they were super hot and you're super sad about it in the moment.) Here are 16 expert-approved responses to rejection text message examples to keep on deck. 1 "Thanks for your honesty, it was fun hanging out. I wish you the best."
Let your date know you appreciate them being real (even if you already started a Pinterest board for your imagined shabby-chic barn wedding). When you’re figuring out how to respond to a rejection text, Ouimet says you want to keep it minimal. “You want short and simple, like ‘hey, got it, no worries,’” she tells Bustle.
2 "Hey, no worries at all. Best of luck with everything, thank you for letting me know."
Based on Ouimet’s advice, go ahead and tell them “no worries” verbatim. Let them know that it’s totally cool, no problem. Ouimet says something short but kind will do the trick to
not look too needy, desperate, or offended by it. 3 "Hey, thanks again for showing me that new restaurant, such a great pick. No hard feelings at all."
Again, make sure to show your appreciation, but let them know it’s all good and you’re not upset. Rather than sending a long, drawn-out reply, you want to relay the message of something like, “it’s good... I’m good, don’t worry about it, it was nice meeting you,” Ouimet suggests.
4 "Thank you for letting me know where we stand, I really appreciate the transparency. It’s refreshing. Wish you the best."
Golden says that a "rejection text" is less about someone personally dismissing you and more about two people who want incompatible things. Thanking them for being transparent lets you both walk away with your heads high.
5 "It was fun hanging out and I wish you all the best."
Although you may feel an impulse to beg them to reconsider, Golden suggests keeping it concise. "There's no need to say, ‘If you ever change their mind,'" Golden says. "They know where to find you."
6 "Sending these texts are never easy, so I appreciate it."
Perhaps the only thing worse than getting rejected is having to reject someone. Acknowledging that "rejection texts" are sucky for all parties is a major power move. Let them know you’re grateful for the honesty and appreciate them as well, because unfortunately, a lot of people would not have afforded you that courtesy.
7 "Thanks for letting me know. I wish you all the best."
If you and your date had a friendly rapport, you might be tempted to send over the shallot pasta recipe or online yoga class you talked about on your date — but in most cases, leaving out all the unnecessary details is best. “I would tell my clients, ‘Hey, if she just dumped you, you don’t need to keep giving,’” Ouimet says. You do you, of course, but don’t feel the need to provide them more insight into your life.
8 "No worries, thank you for letting me know. Don’t be a stranger :)"
As much as you might be tempted to ask if you can
still be friends, Ouimet says she would never recommend a client to send that message. Instead, something like “don’t be a stranger” sends the same friendly idea without putting pressure on them. “Because then you’re playing coy, right? You’re just throwing it out there,” Ouimet says. 9 "Sorry things didn't work out, but I had fun getting drinks."
Although you may be completely smitten, Golden says that you don't really know this person too well after a couple of dates. You're probably more upset about the loss of potential romance than losing this specific person. This is fair — a loss is still a loss, and you can’t help but wonder “what if.”
10 "No worries at all. Wishing you the best!"
Let them know that they don't need to stress. You're just not a fit. Keep it short and simple but friendly to end things on amicable terms. A “wishing you the best” is one of the best ways to close out these kinds of texts, according to Ouimet.
11 "I really appreciate you letting me know and not ghost. I can tell you’re such a great person, wish you the best."
They could have very easily
ghosted you. A "rejection text" is better than no text at all. "Be thankful that this person had the manners not to ghost," Golden says. In return, you can show them gratitude and not ghost their rejection text. 12 "It seemed like we were on the same page the last time we met, but I appreciate you being upfront. All the best."
If you and your date just spent four hours making out and talking about cute dates to go on in the future, getting a rejection text may feel awful and confusing. But as Golden explains, your date calling it off is ultimately saving you from further
mixed messages and shadiness. "The ambiguity of not knowing the post-date status and the wasted brain space on assessing the possible status is worse than the sting of the rejection," Golden says. 13 "Hey, it's cool. I'll see you at Chris’s this weekend, truly no hard feelings, happy to be friends."
If your date is in your friend group or if you're going to be seeing them around, letting them know it doesn't have to be weird can take a weight off both of you. This is the perfect text to send if you’re going to run into them soon and want to make things the least awkward possible — but is still a far cry from the dreaded “Can we stay friends?” text.
14 "No pressure at all, but if you ever have a minute I'd be interested to hear why we didn't click. I really enjoyed meeting you."
"Dating feedback is helpful," Golden says. "It can reveal blind spots or validate that you’re doing everything right." Although it may feel a little daunting to ask your date for an Uber rating, Golden says that asking past dates about your dating style can give you some extra insight.
If you’re going to go for it and ask why you weren’t a match, Ouimet says you’ll need to buckle down and be prepared, because you might be about to hear some negative feedback. “Be ready to receive negative criticism, and be open to receiving that and know that you requested this,” she warns.
15 "Well, that’s a bummer, but I admire you for being honest."
Don't let those
toxic-positivity inspirational memes fool you, you don't have to be happy you got rejected. Address that you're bummed and wish your date the best moving forward. Just be careful not to oversell your disappointment — you’re not trying to guilt trip them for a lack of connection. It’s no one’s fault. 16 “Thank you for your honesty, I appreciate that. I wish you all the best.”
“At the end of the day, you want to thank them, you want them to know that you appreciate it, and you want to let them know that there’s no bad vibes,” Ouimet says of her texting “formula.” “You thank them, you appreciate them, then you wish them the best.”
Experts: Thalia Ouimet , matchmaker, dating coach, and founder of We Met Through Thalia Meredith Golden , dating coach and founder of Darma
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This article was originally published on
Jan. 22, 2021