You've got a new crush, and you are
feeling it. Three dates in, you're already looking up cute Airbnb staycations and romantic bistros with outdoor dining. You're about to send them a cute yoga selfie when they hit you with: "I don't think we're a match." After processing the initial shock (and Postmating yourself a giant bowl of Pho), knowing how to respond to a rejection text message can help you move on with grace. (And get closer to finding someone that is a good match.)
Meredith Golden, dating coach and founder of Darma, a dating feedback app, having a "rejection response" saved in your phone notes may save you some energy and heartache.
"There's less sting if you don’t have to write it out every single time," Golden tells Bustle. "You certainly
don't , but it’s nice to take the high road." have to respond
If you're totally bummed about your crush calling it quits, Golden suggests practicing
cognitive reframing or changing the way you see the situation.
"I prefer the term 'closure' to 'rejection,' Golden says. "Closure is beneficial!"
Some connections aren't intended to become long-term serious relationships — and that's OK. (Even if they were super hot and you're super sad about it in the moment.)
Here are 16 ways to
respond to a rejection text. 1 "Thanks for your honesty, it was fun hanging out."
Let your date know you appreciate them being real (even if you already started a Pinterest board for your imagined shabby-chic barn wedding).
2 "Totally cool, good luck out there."
Something concise but kind can let your date know that you get the message and won't be making a dartboard with a picture of their face on it.
3 "Hey, thanks for showing me that used bookstore. No hard feelings."
Frankly, a good used bookstore is worth, like, 100 good first dates.
4 "Thanks for letting me know where we stand — it’s refreshing."
Golden says that a "rejection text" is less about someone personally dismissing you and more about two people who want incompatible things. Thanking them for being transparent lets you both walk away with your heads high.
5 "It was fun hanging out and I wish you all the best."
Although you may feel an impulse to beg them to reconsider, Golden suggests keeping things short and sweet. "There's no need to say, ‘If you ever change their mind,'" Golden says. "They know where to find you."
6 "Sending these texts are never easy, so I appreciate it."
Perhaps the only thing worse than getting rejected is having to reject someone. Acknowledging that "rejection texts" are sucky for all parties is a major power move in a great way.
7 "Thanks for letting me know. There's a Basquiat exhibit opening at the Brooklyn Museum, thought you'd want to know."
If you and your date had a friendly rapport, sending over the shallot pasta recipe or online yoga class you talked about on your date can end things on a high note.
8 "Let me know if you'd ever want to hang out as friends."
Asking your date if they want to
be friends can put them in the hot seat and set you up for disappointment. (Read: They'll probably give you a "Sure!" even if they mean "Not even a little bit.") Establishing that you're open to hanging out again as friends can leave the window open for your date to reach out if they feel compelled to without putting them on the spot. 9 "Sorry things didn't work out, but I had fun getting drinks."
Although you may be completely smitten, Golden says that you don't
really know this person too well after a couple of dates. You're probably more upset about the loss of potential romance than losing this specific person. 10 "No worries at all. Good luck out there!"
Let them know that they don't need to stress. You're just not a fit.
11 "It's cool of you to let me know and not just ghost."
A "rejection text" is better than no text at all. "Be thankful that this person had the manners not to ghost," Golden says.
12 "It seemed like we were on the same page the last time we met, but I appreciate you being upfront now. All the best."
If you and your date just spent four hours making out and talking about cute dates to go on in the future, getting a rejection text may feel painful and confusing. But as Golden explains, your date calling it off is ultimately saving you from further mixed messages and shadiness. "The ambiguity of not knowing the post-date status and the wasted brain space on assessing the possible status is worse than the sting of the rejection," Golden says.
13 "Hey, it's cool. I'll see you at Chris this weekend, truly no hard feelings, happy to be pals."
If your date is in your friend group or if you're going to be seeing them around, letting them know it doesn't have to be weird can take a weight off both of you.
14 "No pressure at all, but if you ever have a minute I'd be interested to hear why we didn't click. I really enjoyed meeting you and I'm always trying to be my best self."
"Dating feedback is
helpful," Golden says. "It can reveal blind spots or validate that you’re doing everything right." Although it may feel a little daunting to ask your date for an Uber rating, Golden says that asking past dates about your dating style can give you some extra insight. 15 "This stinks to hear, but I admire you for being honest."
Don't let those toxic-positivity inspirational memes fool you, you don't have to be
happy you got rejected. Address that you're bummed and wish your date the best moving forward. 16 *Nothing at all.*
While you may feel compelled to reply, Golden shares you certainly don't
have to. If the "rejection text" seems like a natural conversation ender, you can delete their contact and start connecting with new cuties. Experts: Meredith Golden, dating coach and founder of Darma