Sex

10 Tricks For Giving A Better BJ

It’s all about the eye contact.

Find blow job techniques, according to sex experts.
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Additional reporting by Chika Ekemezie

When it comes to sex and foreplay, there are usually things that some enjoy and others don't. Some people may love getting a little rough, while others prefer slow and romantic. Some may have sensitive nipples, while others want to be touched in other erogenous zones. One of the best parts of getting to know someone new is getting to know what turns them on, what doesn't, and what turns you on together. And when you’re first having oral sex, you may be especially curious about the best blow job techniques.

First and foremost, sex experts say giving a partner a blow job should be something you enjoy and get pleasure from yourself, not an actual job. “Blow job is a misnomer, and a very unfortunate one,” Mark Michaels, a sex educator and co-author of Partners in Passion, A Guide to Great Sex, Emotional Intimacy and Long Term Love previously told Bustle. “Don’t think of it as work — think of it as playful, fun, and erotic. Imagine that you are getting something from giving head, whether you define it as energy, power, satisfaction, or drawing something essential from your partner.”

Like with all things, practice makes perfect. Below, you’ll find 10 blow job tricks for a better experience.

1. Have Fun Giving A Blow Job, But Don't Fake It

Dr. Yvonka, a clinical sexologist with Jasmine.com, says that when someone’s getting a blow job they like to see that their partner actually enjoys giving them pleasure. Be careful with the acting, though, because your partner will know the difference between real and fake enthusiasm. If you aren’t having fun pleasuring your partner, spare both of you the trouble and try something else.

If you are enjoying it, sex expert Dana Myers says to show it to make your partner feel confident. “Bringing real enthusiasm into oral sex (by being fully present and genuinely desirous to deliver oral pleasure) goes way beyond any ‘deep throat’ fantasies,” Meyers says. “Go slow, then fast, then slow again. Sound out a few ‘Mmmmm’s’ as if you were licking a delicious ice cream cone.”

2. Hands, Tongue, Lips, Cheeks, Chest — Throw It All In The Blow Job

You may be the one giving versus receiving, but you should make the experience yours as much as it is your partner’s, says Dr. Yvonka. "Use your hands, your tongue, your lips, all of the above. Rub it against your cheek, move it gently down to your nipples, really show that you are enjoying it. This will have them squirming with excitement. You can even use some teeth. No, do not bite down, but if you do a slight nibble just to spike the sensitivity in between, it helps wake up the nerves a little." Be careful with this — if you don’t know them well enough, they may react negatively. Be in tune with the experience and feel your partner out before introducing teeth.

3. Keep The Blow Job Wet

Lube isn’t just important for penetrative sex; it can really keep things feeling good here as well. "Usually, the saliva should suffice, but sometimes if you were drinking or participating in anything else that increases dehydration, we can’t rely on our saliva too much. In that case, use some flavored or yummy-tasting lube to make it fun for yourself as well," says Dr. Yvonka. Coconut oil can be great, too.

4. Don't Forget The Balls

While some partners would prefer that you never touch their balls, others love it. According to adult entertainment performer Casey Calvert, you can use your hands while your mouth is on their penis or you can suck on their balls. “Change up what you are doing, and watch their reaction to see what they like the best," she says.

5. Squeeze The Base Of Their Penis

Penises are a lot tougher than you might think, and the two most sensitive places are the tip and the base. "So while you are sucking on the tip, use your hand to press or squeeze the base. If you want to press, try both the area right above and right below the shaft. This works especially well for guys with bigger [penises] — you can pleasure the whole thing without deep throating," says Calvert.

6. Increase Friction

Astroglide's resident sexologist Dr. Jess suggests adding more friction to your blow job to turn your partner on. "Suck away using your usual enthusiasm, but crank it up a notch by increasing the friction without straining your jaw,” she says. “Use your index finger and thumb to pinch your lips together to ‘cheat’ and create a tighter squeeze!"

7. Try The Prayer Position

Just like you have sex positions that make the experience more enjoyable, there are oral sex positions that can make all the difference. According to Dr. Jess, this one is from The New Sex Bible. "Place your hands in prayer position, apply a generous serving of lube and attach them to your lips to create an elongated version of your mouth. Your thumbs should be against your lips and your index fingers will come up along your nose. Lower over his head pinky-first as you suck him into your wet, tight palms and mouth. Stroke from tip to base, building speed, tension, and suction as you slide up and down," Dr. Jess says.

Add some tight pulses at the base, and twirl around subtly as you reach the midsection of their shaft with your fingers. Your tight hands will grip your partner’s shaft as your lips and tongue pass over their frenulum.

8. Make A Tunnel

Another great blow job technique? Try making a tunnel. First you’ll want to squeeze your partner’s penis between your teeth. “Pad your upper teeth with your lubed-up upper lip and your lower teeth with your tongue so that it feels like a tight, wet tunnel," says Dr. Jess.

9. Make Eye Contact While You’re Giving A Blow Job

Your mind might be concentrated on the task at hand, but you should definitely take some time to look up every now and then. Your partner will get turned on by being able to see your face, and it’s a great way to build intimacy between the two of you.

“Looking someone in the eye and having them return your gaze can be a deeply vulnerable and connecting experience,” Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy, previously told Bustle.

Not to mention, looking up and making eye contact is a great way to check in with your partner, or give them the cue that you’re ready to move on to another act or position. Speaking of...

10. Change Positions

For most people, the tried-and-true way to give a blow job is with your partner on their back and you in between their legs. But there’s more than way to pleasure a partner. It may seem like a move right out of porn, but lying on your back can make all the difference. It’s also great for those that want to try deep throating our partners, but struggle with a bad gag reflex.

Lying on your back with your partner hanging over the edge of the bed “creates a straight line from your lips down your throat, which makes it less likely that your throat will get poked and your gag reflex triggered” Emma McGowan, certified sex educator and writer, previously wrote on Bustle. While it’s a position for a 10-minute blowie, as your blood is probably going to rush to your head, it is a fun way to switch up and try something new.

Experts:

Mark Michaels, a sex educator and co-author of Partners in Passion, A Guide to Great Sex, Emotional Intimacy and Long Term Love

Dr. Yvonka, a clinical sexologist with Jasmine.com

Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy,

Emma McGowan, certified sex educator and writer

Dr. Jess, Astroglide's resident sexologist

Casey Calvert, adult entertainment performer

Dana Myers, sex expert

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