So, you’ve exhausted your puzzle supply, experimented with enough recipes, and shown up — physically and mentally — for your umpteenth Zoom call, having only thrown on earrings and lipstick two minutes prior. What’s next? We’ve digitized all things nine to five, but what awaits off-hours (beyond a healthy dose of Bridgerton)? If you’ve been funneling your energy into some good, old-fashion sexting, but your content mill is running dry, we've gathered sexting tips from OnlyFans creators. What better source to tap than the masters of digital sex work?
OnlyFans is a subscription-based social media site that gives creators, including sex workers and boudoir models, a platform to monetize their content. In addition to their video and photo subscription content, they offer pay per view direct messages with clients that allow for private interaction. They embrace their sexuality (and market it effectively) on a platform that depends on a successfully branded sexual profile. OnlyFans creators are filmmakers, photographers, and stylists all in one. So, whether you’re revisiting an old habit or dipping your toes into sexts for the first time, turn your attention to these experts.
How To Initiate Sexting
There is no roster for who can sext, nor is there a template for how to do it. So, first and foremost, take the advice from your freshman dorm poster and be yourself when you're starting the conversation. “I know I will never be the sexy girl,” OnlyFans creator Jesse, who created an account at the onset of the pandemic, tells Bustle. Jesse says her persona off-camera juxtaposed her lewd (lingerie-clad nudes), so much so that a date of hers told her she didn’t fit the stereotype for owning lingerie. The exchange made her laugh. “What kind of ‘person’ has lingerie? People make these preconceived notions of who can be outwardly sexual," she says. "And that’s just stupid.”
Before diving into sexting, make sure you’ve set up parameters and established consent. There is nothing less sexy than unprompted or unwanted content. “Regardless of whether this is your long-term partner, the person you swiped right on about 30 minutes ago, or somewhere in between, the last thing you want is to make someone uncomfortable in this situation,” creator Paige Savage, who earns in the top .88% of all OnlyFans creators, tells Bustle. She says there are certainly ways to establish consent and make it sexy, which don’t mimic the blandly insufficient consent discussions from your high school sex ed video. Try out: “I've had some pretty salacious thoughts on my mind when it comes to us. May I share them with you?” or, “Babe, can I show you how hot you're making me?” followed by a photo. Keep it open-ended and create a space for a “yes” or “no” explicitly.
OnlyFans creator Megan, a sex geek and fat activist also known as Ms. Giggles, tells Bustle that the key to initiation is to “build your own sexual environment, and allow your partner to respond.” Megan suggests going through a “workbook” of sexual interests with your partner; a list where you discuss anything from specific kink references you enjoy to asking if your partner would want to try a bubble bath and FaceTime date. “For most sexual spaces, 80% is just communication and enthusiasm,” Megan says. “If something isn’t feeling right, switch the dynamic! If something is said that someone doesn’t like, it’s okay. Try affirming each other when you shift: ‘I don’t want nipple play but I would love to feel your tongue on me somewhere else.’” With this approach, you’re able to create comfortable boundaries with your partner and move on applying your artistic license — aka the conversation itself.
How To Keep Sexting
So, your partner — of years or minutes — has said yes to a game of sexting. They’re excited to explore a sexual conversation. You’re doing the damn thing. If you’re an avid texter, maybe this is your erotic novella moment. But if writer’s block hits, the creators say there are a few easy solves.
First up, try mixed media like voice notes. “Talk to your partner directly,” says Megan. “When you get to hear someone’s voice, you hear their excitement as if in your ear, which is so pleasurable in an online space.”
Recount a time when you were sexually invigorated in person; describe your masturbation routine; moan. And if you get nervous? Savage says to acknowledge your mental state. “Your partner can take the lead, and their excitement will provide you with some inspiration,” Savage says.
Keep in mind that the person you’re sexting is there for a reason. “They already find you attractive,” Megan says. “There’s no right or wrong when it comes to sexuality, [so] if something isn’t feeling right, switch the dynamic.” Whether giving or receiving, all three creators say that the best messages come from a place of empowerment and hype. “For me, it's all about reactions,” says Savage. “I want to know I'm turning someone on and that they only desire me.”
How To Sext The Perfect Nude
As with anything, practice makes perfect. “Start by taking them for yourself,” Jess says. “My best friend and I are constantly sending each other nudes.”
Megan has actually taught courses on how to take lewds during quarantine, but she's aware of how intimidating sending a nude can be.“‘I’m taking a picture of my genitals’ feels like a lot,” she says. Megan suggests picking a buzzword — be it flirty, angelic, or sassy — and capturing that essence in a shot. “When you put a mood into a photo, you feel like you’re getting something genuine,” she says.
And then there’s set up: Create the ambiance with a room light. For example, the viral TikTok LED lights have a remote so you can switch up settings depending on your mood. As you finagle lighting, Jesse recommends investing in a tripod light for optimal selfies. If you’re looking for a natural light glow, set yourself up near a window, or try outdoor shots. And definitely lean on mirror play. For various angles, think through what you want to highlight — what are your favorite features?Purse your lips; frame your face with a delicate hand; hold your chest as a teaser. Savage recommends “leaving a little something to the imagination” — tipping the camera toward her sideboob and juxtaposing light to create shadows are her go-to. If you’re uncomfortable including your face in photos for security reasons or otherwise, take the photo under your nose, or use the camera itself to block your face.
Finally, Jesse’s ultimate sexting hack is recording a video and then screenshotting her favorite clips. “Sometimes the transition moments are great, I’ll laugh at something, or I’ll flip my hair, and that ends up being a really cute candid,” she says. Like with video snippets, make the camera amenable to you. If that means mimicking your favorite Instagram post sans clothes or leaning on a friend to take different photos while hyping you up, go for it. This is a moment to capture your sexual essence in whatever form you feel most comfortable.
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