TikTok’s “Pomegranate Theory” Helps You See Your Partner’s Green Flags

When you think about creating a happy, healthy relationship with your partner, you might focus on the big things, like going on vacation, moving in together, or getting engaged. But according to TikTok, it’s often the little things that matter even more.

That’s the basis for the viral “pomegranate theory,” which is just a cute way of framing the small acts of everyday kindness that can mean so much in a relationship. If you’ve ever peeled a pomegranate, then you know it takes some effort. The skin is tough; it’s tricky to get all the little red arils out, and it’s often messy, too. It’s why peeling one is essentially the perfect metaphor for love.

If someone were to take the time to peel a pomegranate for you — especially without being asked — TikTok says it could be a sign they’re committed and willing to do things that make you feel seen and cared for. Creator @issaokamoto shared a clip of her peeling the fruit for her partner, saying, “The pomegranate theory has me being the best girlfriend ever lol.”

This theory also applies to other types of love. Creator @camiliarazavi said her Persian dad has been peeling pomegranates for her her whole life, while @itsjessilyn said she would peel a pomegranate for anyone — literally and proverbially — as a way to show how much she cares. Here, a relationship expert weighs in.

What Is The “Pomegranate Theory”?

Would you peel a pomegranate for your partner? Would they do the same for you? This theory points to all the ways in which someone learns how to love you, and all the little things that love can entail, says Shan Boodram, Bumble’s sex and relationship expert.

Boodram points to a similar trend Bumble is calling “microromance,” which is about recognizing that real green flags aren’t always big, grand acts of kindness, but smaller, thoughtful ones. “[It’s about] the gestures that show someone’s actually paying attention: listening to your likes, remembering your interests, and responding to you as an individual,” she tells Bustle.

It’s why the pomegranate theory doesn’t have to revolve around the literal fruit, but rather the many ways in which you and your partner show up for each other. It might look like starting the coffee in the morning, especially if your significant other isn’t an early riser, or running an errand that your partner secretly hates. It might be tough or a little annoying, but you do it anyway.

For this theory, “some people focus on the smaller metaphor — the idea that love is made up of many tiny acts of kindness,” Boodram says. But there’s also a beautiful metaphor to be found in the pomegranate itself, which adds another layer to the theory.

“From my interpretation, it’s about the way someone opens you up,” Booshram says. Peeling back the layers can be difficult and messy, but you get the reward of the sweet fruit inside. It also points to the idea of going slow and being gentle with one another as your relationship unfolds. “Anything worth doing well is worth doing slowly,” she adds. “It could serve as a reminder that relationships aren’t always neat or easy, but they’re still worth the effort.”

Is Your Relationship Strong?

According to Boodram, love shows up in various ways. To see if your relationship has a strong connection, she recommends doing two obvious things. The first? Ask your partner to describe how they feel and how they know they feel that way. That way, you are actually told about the strength of your connection, without you having to guess or look for signs.

The second? Checking in with yourself to see how you feel about your partner and the way they treat you. Does it feel safe? Kind? “We tend to make love mysterious and complicated, but it’s often just reflective,” Boodram says. “If we act like archaeologists of our own experiences, we can unearth the many ways we already know what real love feels like — and use that as the litmus test.”

To go back to pomegranates, which are so tough to peel, this theory could also point to the importance of stepping up for one another, which is another sign of a close connection. “Sometimes, your partner simply has the skill or the capacity that you don’t. On another day, you might be the one with more patience to get through the hard part so both of you can enjoy the reward,” she says. “That’s the beauty of relationships: when we do hard things together, neither person has to carry the hard all the time.” And in a way, it can all relate back to pomegranates.

Source:

Shan Boodram, Bumble’s sex and relationship expert