The 5 Sexual Fantasies That Are More Common Than You Think

If you think you're the only one who has certain fantasies, think again. Whether you’re daydreaming about having threesomes or can’t stop thinking about hooking up in public, "research shows that a wide range of sexual fantasies are both common and perfectly normal," says Dr. Jessica O'Reilly, a sex and relationship expert.

Many sexual fantasies were revealed in a 2023 study from the University of Montreal that asked 1,517 adults about their go-to fantasies. They later published the findings in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. According to the study, the most common ones were having sex in unusual places, hooking up with someone other than your partner, and being dominated.

ICYDK, “a sexual fantasy is simply an imagined scenario that turns you on in your mind’s eye,” says Dr. Debra Kissen, a licensed clinical psychologist, CEO, and founder of Light On Anxiety CBT Treatment Center. “It might be something you’d never act on in real life, but it adds mystery, danger, or novelty that spices up your internal world.” That’s why it’s not inherently bad to have a sexual fantasy.

Just because you close your eyes and think about something doesn't mean you actually want to do it, but sometimes there are ways to act it out, if you so choose. Think hooking up in a car or having a threesome. Here, sex experts talk about the most common fantasies — and why you can’t get them out of your head.

The Most Common Sexual Fantasies

Hooking Up In Public

Sixty two percent of people fantasize about this, according to the University of Toronto study. It's easy to see why it's so popular, says O’Reilly, since it combines many common turn-ons, including "the risk of getting caught, the thrill of performing and being watched, and the excitement of doing something taboo.”

Sofie Roos, a sexologist and couples therapist, says this fantasy might include thoughts of getting busy in a public pool, in a car, or in the bathroom at the bar. She believes it’s rooted in how good it feels to be “bad,” which can seem extra thrilling if you have a predictable, hum-drum routine.

“People who are into having sex outside of their home are generally longing for adventure and to explore something new,” she tells Bustle. “This fantasy can be how they live it out.”

Being Dominated

This study found that the majority of people (60% of women and 53% of men) had fantasized about being dominated, says Kiana Reeves, a somatic sex educator and chief intimacy officer at Foria Wellness, and there’s an interesting reason why.

“Power exchange fantasies are very common,” she tells Bustle. “They let people temporarily release control, which can be deeply freeing and pleasurable, especially for people who carry a lot of responsibility in daily life.”

It’s fun to daydream about what might happen if you didn’t have to make any decisions. On the flip side, being the dominant one might be your go-to fantasy if you like the idea of calling the shots and telling your partner what to do. According to Kissen, it’s why many domination fantasies are often less about pain and more about the intensity of giving up or taking control.

Hooking Up With A Stranger

Many people get turned on by the idea of flirting and having casual sex with people outside their relationship. “It’s a common fantasy that many people know wouldn’t work out in real life,” says Roos, who points to relationship boundaries and other barriers, so it’s something they think about instead.

About 14% of women who answered the Toronto survey said they’ve fantasized about having sex with a stranger, which could also play into the idea of having a one-night stand. That type of free, no-strings-attached sex might make you hot around the collar, whether you’re coupled up or not.

Being With Someone Older

While you might not want to admit it out loud, the idea of hooking up with someone your senior can truly make your toes curl. It’s common for older people to be desexualized, O’Reilly says, and yet anyone with this fantasy is likely drawn to the age difference. It means they’re experienced, and that’s hot.

The thought of someone showing you the ropes is a #BookTok level turn-on, and it’s common amongst both women and men. Of course, there’s the taboo side to it, too. “Power dynamics and the allure of ‘forbidden fruit’ fuel this one,” says Kissen.

Having A Threesome

"I’ve worked with hundreds of couples who were interested in exploring the fantasy of a threesome," says O’Reilly. Some indulged without a third party, meaning they tried out webcams, dirty talk, or role-play.

O’Reilly estimates that about a third of her clients with these fantasies have acted on them, but adds that about half of them were disappointed. "The fantasy was, in fact, hotter than reality,” she says.

According to Kissen, a desire for novelty and variety is what makes the thought of a threesome so appealing. “It’s about curiosity as much as the sex itself,” she says.

How To Try Out Your Fantasies

“It’s important to remember that not all fantasies need to be acted on,” says Reeves. “Some are best kept as private, imaginative experiences.” You can, however, dabble with the help of your imagination. Picture yourself having a hot hookup at the club or in the middle of a steamy threesome from the comfort of your bed.

Reeves also recommends exploring erotic stories, guided audio, or simply in your mind during self-pleasure. To dive in IRL, she suggests chatting with your partner to see if they’re interested in spicing things up. “Roleplay, costumes, or using toys can be fun ways to experiment without fully crossing into real-life territory,” she says.

Consent and communication are also key. If you think it would be fun to bring your partner into your fantasy, share what’s on your mind and talk about how it all might play out. Who knows? You might end up enjoying a little BDSM on a Friday night.

Sources:

Dr. Jessica O'Reilly, sex and relationship expert

Kiana Reeves, somatic sex educator, chief intimacy officer at Foria Wellness

Dr. Debra Kissen, licensed clinical psychologist, CEO, founder of Light On Anxiety CBT Treatment Center

Sofie Roos, sexologist for Passionerad, couples therapist