Sex & Relationships

8 Hopeful, But Respectful Texts To Send Someone Who's Sad

"Don't feel any pressure to be #goodvibesonly."

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Like tempering chocolate or perfecting winged eye-liner, comforting a distressed loved one is a delicate art. When you're looking for something encouraging to say but feeling at a total loss for words, these texts to send someone sad are the perfect mix of holding space and hopeful.

"When someone we love is sad, it can be tempting to take it upon ourselves to try and figure out all the ways that we can help alleviate it," Shula Melamed, MA, MPH relationship and well-being coach tells Bustle. "This can be particularly tough for folks who have more of a tendency toward codependence."

If your best friend just got dumped or your sister is feeling down about her job, you may feel pressure to make them feel better. While it's great to show up for the people you love, Melamed shares it's important not to absorb their feelings or try to fix everything. In other words, you don't have to have all the answers. Just being there for someone is more than enough.

Here are eight texts to send someone that's really upset.

I'm so sorry that everything sucks so much right now. I love you.

Validating is the name of the game. Melamed suggests reminding your person just how much you love them and holding space for them and their feelings.

Is there anything I can do? Please let me know how I can support you.

Although you may want to jump in with a list of suggestions, give them the space to ask for what they need. Let them know you're here to listen, but want them to figure out their own solutions.

I'm in meetings all day, but let's talk on the phone tonight! When's a good time to call?

If you always put other people's needs before your own, you'll start to feel completely burned out. Setting healthy boundaries (ex: I'm busy right now, but can call you in an hour) allows you to sustainably support yourself and your loved ones.

Did you drink water and eat today? I can Postmates you something yummy.

When someone's having a bad day, they may forget to take care of themselves. Remind them to take a walk, drink some water, and eat a good meal.

Sending a video of teacup pigs and a virtual hug.

Everyone loves a cute animal video. Sending some wholesome, positive content can be a sweet way to uplift someone sad.

Remember to do something kind for yourself today! Take a bath, drink some wine, and watch a bad movie.

What's that saying? You can lead someone to the mineral water, but you can't make them practice self-care? Remind your friend to be kind to themselves and to do the things that make them happy.

I admire how creative you are. You've always had such an eye for style.

When someone is feeling down, it's time to lay on the loving. Give them compliments about their work ethic or hobbies (read: not just about their appearance) and remind them how valuable and special they are.

It's OK to cry and be upset. Don't feel any pressure to be #goodvibesonly.

The pressure to be positive can be super overwhelming, especially when you're having a terrible day. Remind your friend it's OK to be moody and grumpy. They don't have to hide their feelings in the name of maintaining the "vibes."


Shula Melamed, MA, MPH relationship and well-being coach