Though you may always have your cell phone on you, you may not always be in the mood to swap XXX messages, so whether you're trying to shut it down or turn it up, these witty responses to sexting are sure to make your date happy, horny, or some combination of both.
Perhaps the second-best feeling to an actual orgasm is someone making you laugh so hard you think you're going to pee. If you've been seeing someone for a while or are just hitting it off with a new cutie, having a similar sense of humor can make everything better — especially sex. While direct communication is the name of the good sex game, the truth is, it can be flippin' intimidating to state your needs and desires. Being able to incorporate humor when talking about sex can take the pressure off, allowing you and your date to connect and say what's on your mind. Just like anything sexy IRL, sending a sexy text means getting clear on consent. Nobody wants to receive a line form 50 Shades Of Grey while they're screen-sharing at work or taking a selfie with their aunt at brunch.
If you're hit with an unpromoted sext, here are 50 witty ways to reply.
When You're Not Into It
1. Please don't make personal calls during business hours.
2. I think you have the wrong number. I didn't have "impromptu midday sexting" on my calendar.
3. The person you are trying to reach is not available at this time, please ask for consent first, and then try again.
4. Are you still on your parents' phone bill? Do they know you text like this?
5. I think you sent me your "Twilight" FanFiction by mistake.
6. Wow, wow, wow, buy me dinner first. Or don't. Actually, don't.
7. Beep, beep. This line is busy.
8. My horoscope said today would have unsuspecting challenges.
9. Has this ever worked for you?
10. If you don't have anything nice to say, sometimes it's best not to say anything at all.
11. You really should ask before you sext me, I just had my screen shared on a Zoom meeting.
12. Would you like me to show my partner this text?
13. Love the direct communication, not super into sexting atm.
14. If we're being open and honest about our sexual needs, I need you to stop sexting me unprompted, in the middle of the day.
15. Sorry! We're closed. Please come back later.
16. What font should we use on our wedding invitations?
17. Oops, sorry! Dropped my phone in the toilet this morning, can't text!
18. Hey! I’m so glad you reached out. I’m actually at capacity right now, and I don’t think I can hold the appropriate space for you. Do you have someone else you could reach out to?
19. Shoot! I just signed up to join the local convent. You just missed your window!
20. Can't respond, getting a manicure!
21. Why don't we have your people contact my people, and we can do lunch sometime.
22. I don't accept unsolicited pitches, have your agent contact my office.
23. Waiting for Ashton Kutcher to tell me I'm getting Punk'd.
24. Yikes. When I gave you my number, I didn't think you were going to sext me.
25. They say life is full of disappointment. I guess I can add this conversation to that list.
26. Wow, now I know exactly what I don't want from a date.
27. Let's play the quiet game. I'll start.
When You Are Into It
28. You know, I was expecting a message from my dermatologist, but this is much better.
29. If you're this good with your words, I can't wait to see what you can do with your hands.
30. You know, I've been waiting for you to sext me all day, it's rude to keep someone waiting.
31. I see you'd like to make a dick appointment. Stay on the line, and we can schedule you shortly.
32. Oh, is this what the kids call "sexting?" I've meant to learn more about that.
33. I'd ask you what you're wearing, but I'd rather picture you naked.
34. If you wanted to send nudes, I wouldn't be opposed.
35. I was just about to sext you! Great minds do think alike.
36. I didn't realize you were such a poet.
37. I wonder if you can work my body like you're working your keyboard.
38. I've always dreamed of this moment, you sexting me in the middle of the day.
39. Should I clear my schedule for the rest of the day? How long is this going to take?
40. Can I send NFSW texts if I'm working from home?
41. For an introvert, you're surprisingly good at sexting.
42. I didn't realize your favorite positon was digital.
43. I don't have great WiFi, but I'm feeling our connection.
44. You're the Shakespeare of sexting.
45. I guess a sexy message is almost as good as a sext massage.
46. Careful, you're auto-text is going to be all X-rated.
47. Nothing turns me on like perfect grammar.
48. I didn't realize you were so spontaneous.
49. If I knew these were the texts you were going to send me, I would have asked for your number a while ago.
50. I love it when you text dirty to me.