I don't know what kind of therapist Kim Kardashian has, but she must have a good one, because if there were even a fraction of the sheer amount of craziness in my life as in hers, I would be driving the struggle bus into a ditch. It's mostly the sheer amount of insane Kim Kardashian rumors that I don't think I could deal with. I imagine that the Kardashians are more than used to hearing the kooky, krazy "news" that people spread about them, and that's pretty hard to fathom as a non-famous person.
Even if you know in your heart of hearts that it's not true, there's a little part of everyone that's going to click "Is Kim Kardashian faking her pregnancy?" Actually, the fake baby rumors were some of the only ones that ticked Kim off enough to the point that the 34-year old star responded. Usually she's a pretty cool customer, but she rightfully showed how pissed she was on Twitter in June when she tweeted, "Please! This is the type of stuff I will address. If I got a surrogate I would say I did! Thankfully I didn't have 2," even though, as she said, she really does not have time to deal with every lie that's floating around about her.
There's your typical Kim K rumor fare — Is her butt fake? Is her baby fake? Does she hate her entire family? Does she photoshop her Instagrams? Is she actually a wax figure? — but then there's also some really strange stuff out there, because, among Kim's many talents and charms, she also has the ability to inspire some of the most absurd rumors ever.
Here are eight of the weirdest rumors about Kim K:
1. She's Faking Her Pregnancy
There's just something about celebrity pregnancies that make the trolls ask, "But what if she's faking it?" This is a pretty well-known rumor about Kim, but I'm throwing it on the list because it's the most absurd. What are all those Kim K baby truthers gonna do when her baby is, you know, born? Will they self-destruct? Kim debunked this one herself, by posting photos of herself, where she is clearly pregnant — and adorable.
2. She Hired A Personal Trainer For North West
Because babies gotta be fit too, right? Wrong. Radar Online reported that Kim hired a trainer for North, who's only two years old, because, as an "insider" told the site, "She wants her to be a perfect physical specimen, and she thinks it's perfectly normal to want to get North in shape at such an early age." Excuse me? They all but debunked their own rumor, though, saying that at the end of her own workout sessions, Kim's trainer teaches North "some fun stuff, nothing strenuous." Have you people never heard of Gymboree?
3. She And Yeezy Are Getting A Divorce
No one wants to believe in love. There are always some vague rumors that Kim and Kanye West aren't going to make it, or are already secretly divorced. The most recent came in March, when the Inquistr said that Kim was "moving forward" with a divorce from Kanye, and was making mad money off of it. Obviously, Kim and Kanye are soulmates and are still together. (Let them be together forever, that's all I ask).
4. She's Getting Plastic Surgery While She's Pregnant
In this fun rumor, Kim is not faking her pregnancy, but she is miserable about it. Apparently, Kim is so vain that she continues to get plastic surgery while she is carrying baby number two. According to Hollywood Life, Kim's rep already shut this rumor down.
5. She's Got ANOTHER Sex Tape
Look, if Kim wants to make another sex tape, that's her prerogative, you know? But she's been down that path before, and based on the way she talked about the sex tape on KUWTK, I don't think she'd want to relive it. MediaTakeout said in March that while Kim and Kanye were in Paris, Yeezy's laptop was stolen, and someone took a sex tape off of the harddrive featuring Kanye, Kim, and another blonde woman. Kim's rep confirmed that there is no sex tape, but even if there was, do you think Kanye West would even for one minute not know where his laptop was? If there's one thing he hates, it's people trying to steal his genius.
6. She Paid Off Tyga To Break Up With Kylie
Rumor had it that Kim K wanted Tyga to stay far, far away from her little sister, 17-year-old Kylie Jenner, to the tune of $250 thousand — the amount she supposedly paid him to step off. OK! Magazine, reported that Kim was willing to pay Tyga the six figures because she was "terrified of Kylie getting pregnant and throwing her life away." Not that she doesn't have the quarter-mil to toss around, but I'm guess that this one is false...
7. Kanye Forced Her To Go Blonde
When Kim went platinum for a brief moment earlier this year, people went wild. And, as the rumor goes, it was against her will. In Touch claimed that Kanye forced Kim to dye her hair blonde, even though she hated it. Gossip Cop later smashed this one.
8. She Wanted To Work For Amal Clooney
This is one that I wouldn't mind being true, but of course, it's just another rumor. There were claims that Kim was calling Amal Clooney's handlers, "pleading" for a job as a legal assistant. Personally, I think Kim and Amal, who is one of the most high-profile human rights lawyers in the world and an angel who blessed George Clooney with her presence, would make a dream team.
And all of these are just from this year. Kim Kardashian's life might be the best evidence there ever was that you shouldn't believe everything you read on the Internet.
Images: Getty Images (4); Giphy (3)