To be clear, I have long since declared Swiftie my religion and accepted Taylor Swift as my Lord(e) and Savior. So when I take you on this journey of weird things that you forgot happened in old Taylor Swift videos, I do it with all of the love in my heart. We may look back on this in 2015 and wonder what the what was going on in 2009, but guys, remember 2009?? This was our jam back then. And yeah, our jam is more sophisticated now and involves a lot more of Taylor Swift standing on horses, but that doesn't mean we aren't overdue for the Taylor #TBT this internet deserves.
Because think about it for a second — you have lived so much of your life since Taylor Swift first started rolling out videos. "Tim McGraw" came out in 2006. I don't know what y'all were up to, but I was still an emotional fetus wearing braces and crying over my algebra homework. Now I'm a slightly less emotional fetus without braces crying over my rent. SEE?! We all got grownt in this past decade, and I think we're finally at an age where we can look back on some of the things that happened in old Taylor Swift videos with an affectionate "WTF" twinkling in our eyes.
Here are a few things that your teenage self might have forgotten:
1. That time Taylor Swift got married, got pregnant, and lived your dream Pinterest life
The video for "Mine" was released in 2009, when Taylor was 20 years old.
HELLOOOOO, that's what Taylor Swift looks like pregnant with a fictional baby. (Does anybody else want to copy/paste Calvin Harris's face into this for me? As a personal favor? THEIR KIDS WOULD LOOK JUST LIKE THIS.)
Here's the full video, to prove this was real:
2. That time she and her BFF Abigail low key stalked a guy in a pickup truck (he never let her drive!)
That's not even the weird part of "Picture To Burn," released in 2006. She assembles a strange vampiric goon squad to trash this man's ... apartment? Crypt? Who were you dating, Taylor?!
And, uh. This happens.
Good job, guys. Here's the full video:
3. That time Taylor Swift almost blew up the school science lab because of a hot broski
He's the reason for the teardrops on her guitar. And also the reason why most of the class won't be able to produce tears out of their damaged eye sockets again.
But hey, we did learn something important from that video: you never need an excuse to wear a ballgown to bed, y'all.
Here's "Teardrops On My Guitar," another staple from 2006:
4. That time Taylor worked in a boring old regular not pop star office
... and proceeded to watch videos of her boyfriend on the clock.
One of us. ONE OF US. ONE OF US!!
"Ours" came out in 2011, and just in case your heart wasn't punctured by the end, well. Enjoy:
5. That time she and another high school dude bro transcended time and space with their ~love~
Can we talk about how every '00s Taylor Swift music video was actually all of my secret not-super-feminist fantasies come to life? "Love Story" came out in 2008, but I still bawled like a banshee when she played it on the 1989 tour and I don't want to talk about it. (Of course I do. It was amazing. I blacked out. I am beyond judgment.)
Anyway, I'm still holding out for my secret love from the 1800s to come running up to my castle shirtless. I might be here awhile.
6. That time Taylor casually cloned herself
I mean, "You Belong With Me" is a Swift Staple. We've all seen it. And yet every year without fail I meet one person who is like, "WHOA! THE CHEERLEADER IS TAYLOR! MY MIND IS BLOWN!!!"
WHO DO WE EVEN ROOT FOR?! I can't. I can't.
Behold, the beginning of that brief period when Lucas Till was tossed between budding country starlets like a hot potato before the X-Men franchise rescued him:
7. That time Taylor tried to pull an Avril and bring ties back
Fun fact: this was the Avril tie's last gasp of relevancy in the early millennium.
She REALLY TRIED, guys. Here's "Story Of Us," from 2011:
8. That time she and Ed Sheeran both asexually reproduced their own kids who then also become BFFs?!?
WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON HERE?! It's been two years since "Everything Has Changed," and I still need answers, Taylor. I'M WAITING.
9. That time Taylor was so sad it snowed in her house
Pro tip, bb: spend a little less time worrying about Jacob from Twilight and a little more worrying about hypothermia. (Just kidding, the whole "Back To December" video is weather porn and I love it.)
10. That time Dr. Frankenstein mashed a B.o.B video with the Taylor aesthetic
"Both Of Us" was the B.o.B song featuring Taylor Swift, and you may have forgotten, but the internet sure didn't! Its trademark was cutting back and forth between bright, edgy B.o.B stuff to Taylor floatin' around in a field like one does. It's like trying a transplant where they put someone's kidney in their foot. I can't look away.
Here's the full video, which you may not have ever actually seen, fellow Swifties:
11. THAT TIME SHE STOOD ON A MOTHER FLIPPIN HORSE
Yeah, yeah, I know. Nobody "forgot" about this. But I have used much less substantial justification to throw this gif anywhere I can and I'm not backing down now. ENJOY for the 8 billionth time:
Images: YouTube(23); Giphy(1)
