Kris Jenner & Ben Flajnik's Bizarre Sea Lion Pic Makes It Seem Like They're More Than Friends
Kris Jenner and Ben Flajnik are my favorite maybe-power couple. Oh wait. The two insist they are just friends, so they must be just friends. Just friends who hang out with a sea lion: Back in Sept., Joe Francis's girlfriend, Abbey Wilson, posted a picture of Kris, Flajnik, a sea lion, and others hanging out in a pool in Mexico. For some reason, this months-old photo has been making the Internet rounds this week.
Why now? I've got a wild theory: Kris and Flajnik are secretly dating, but Kris and Bruce Jenner's separation was not public when the photo was taken, so this photo would've spilled every remaining bean. Because nothing says "true love" quite like swimming with a sea lion. And now that everyone knows about the separation, the tabloid-friendly photo can roam freely! Eh, that's a bit far-fetched. Like I said, Kris and Flajnik say they're pals and nothing more, and I trust their words.
BUT if it was posted three months ago, how did it take us this long to see it?! We fell asleep at the wheel. We let 2013 down. If I had a time machine, the first thing I'd do would be go back to the month of Sept. and seek out Abbey Wilson's Twitter and Instagram accounts and email blast everyone I know with the links.
But none of that matters. The only thing that matters is that the picture exists. Because smack-dab in the center of the picture is a sea lion. A SEA LION. IN A SWIMMING POOL. I stared at the photograph for 20 minutes. I recorded my thoughts:
Is that a real sea lion?
That isn't a real sea lion.
I think that's a real sea lion.
I can't stop listening to this song:
From here on out, I'm referring to Kris Jenner as "Sea Lion Woman."
Is it real?!
No. That sea lion could not look less real.
This must be Photoshopped. No. I take that back. Everyone looks like they were cut-and-pasted onto a backdrop. Whenever given the option to use glue sticks and scissors over a computer, use glue sticks and scissors. The result will be worth it.
Is that lady in the floral bikini pretending to pet a to-be-superimposed sea lion or is she really petting a sea lion? I have to look into this.
Hm. The plot thickens: Allegedly, PETA is pissed about the sea lion. I guess that means it's a real sea lion.
You know what? I'm not convinced. PETA could be in on this possibly-fake photo joke. I can't stop staring at this picture. I need concrete proof. I need answers.
Oh. I guess it is real.
Now that we know it is real, are the humans not scared that the very giant, very real sea lion might rebel?
WHAT?! According to RadarOnline: "Francis has said that he rents the 11-year-old 600-lbs. animal, named 'Litibu,' from the nearby Vallarta Adventures water park to play with his girlfriend, Abbey Wilson, once a week." I'm ill.
Holy crap, I was so distracted by the sea lion that I forgot that Joe Francis was there. I forgot that this was taken at Joe Francis's beach house.
The Bachelor + Keeping Up With The Kardashians + Girls Gone Wild. Reality television is pop culture is art.
I think I get it now. This is art.
Everyone looks so happy. Everyone but Litibu.
How did the photographer get Litibu to model-face directly into the camera?