If you’re between the ages of roughly 5 and 105, the chances are that Harry Potter pretty much defines your world. You quote the books when giving advice; you solve work problems by deciding what Harry would do; you think your boss is a total Slytherin. And of course — you know without a doubt who your favorite character is.
This character isn’t just any old literary figure; this character is your friend. You see yourself in him; you laugh when she laughs; you cry when he cries. You talk to her when you’re by yourself, and every time you blow out your birthday candles, your wish is that she were real.
The Harry Potter books are part of your identity, and your favorite character says a lot about you. Just like how your Hogwarts house can tell you what your literary tastes are, and how good you are in bed, your favorite character can tell you what type of person you are. You know, like if your favorite character is Voldemort, then you’re probably a fascist Dark Lord. It’s a pretty accurate gage of personality. In fact, if we had the Sorting Hat IRL, he’d probably just ask you for your favorite character, and know at once what house to put you in. So it’s time to fire your therapist, because all you need is this simple personality test to tell you exactly who you are.
Your friends tease you for being oh-so-basic, but it doesn’t stop you from raving about a new flavor of spice latte you’ve discovered that they just have to try. (Yeah, it’s pumpkin, and we all knew about it already.) Even though you’re just a teensy bit safe, your friends love how loyal you are. But stop “complaining” to them about how many annoying notifications your Instagram pictures keep getting, because they all know you secretly like the attention.
You were a Social Justice Warrior before that was even a term. Your Facebook page is full of petitions you want people to sign, and when people ask you if you’re a feminist, you roll your eyes and ask them, “Aren’t you?!” Basically, you’re sassy as all hell, and even though you can be a little oversensitive at times, you’re always the first to apologize. Oh, and you take a mean selfie.
You know what? While Rupert Grint’s Ron was hilarious (and sexy, right? Right? Just me?) — if your favorite character is genuinely Ron-from-the-books, there’s something a little quirky about you... because that guy kinda sucked. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say you’re the kind of person who skim-reads, and that you were probably too busy fantasizing about Rupert Grint’s luscious ginger hair to actually pay attention. Fair description?
You’re that friend who everyone else in your group wants to be. You’re super-smart without trying, you never take anything too seriously, and wherever you go people fall at your feet trying to either be your best friend or have sex with you. The best part is people can’t even hate you for being popular, because you’re also really sweet. Yeah, you’ve pretty much nailed this. And you’re really mad that they made your favorite character so bland in the movies.
Your most commonly uttered phrase is “I told you so.” We get it, we get it — you’re always right. It turns out Snape was a good guy all along. You start relationships with damaged partners because you’re convinced you can change them, and it actually works. Seriously, that is never supposed to work. Have you not seen He’s Just Not That Into You? You’re such a good judge of character that everyone finds it slightly irritating (sorry) — but they also love that you’re the only one who gets them.
You’re just sooo subversive, aren’t you? You never do anything mainstream, I’ve never heard of any of the bands on your Spotify playlist, and if I admitted to you that I still wear Ugg boots sometimes you would have no problem never speaking to me again. Yeah, you’re pretty scary — but you’re also by far the coolest person in your friendship group.
You are too nice for your own good, you know that? You always stick up for the underdog, even if it means switching teams three times within a game just to make sure you're always cheering for the loser. Well, your unfailing niceness paid off. We all know that Neville looks like this now, and you're the only one who was smart enough to friend him on Facebook before he got all hot and popular. Well played.
Let’s face it, you’ve probably got a few issues you have to deal with. Your relationship history is rocky to say the least, and really you just want to be looked after by a caring older wizard… er, I mean person. You always see the best in people, and everyone appreciates that. Despite your slightly unhealthy quest for love, people really do respect you. So stop for a second and look around at the people who already do love you — because I guarantee there are tons of them.
Images: Warner Bros. Pictures/YouTube; Giphy (8)