How To Make Your Threesome Less Awkward, From Someone Who's Been There

Monica, Zach, and I were on vacation in Chicago for a friend's wedding. After one two many drinks at the mini bar in our hotel room, Monica and I found ourselves on the bed, giggling and making out. Zach stood there, amused, and watched us for a second, before he sat on the bed beside us. Zach was cute, I was horny, and we were all in a fun mood where we had stepped out of our inhibitions. Giggling, I suggested we try a threesome. They excitedly agreed and we started getting ready and arranging ourselves perfectly on the bed.

The threesome failed epically. As horny and excited as I was, it just really didn't feel right. It felt... forced — and awkward as hell. Zach couldn't get hard and Monica confessed to feeling uncomfortable and tired, so we finally all agreed to just go to sleep. 

I woke up in the morning with a terrible vulnerability hangover, and an even worse feeling of awkwardness towards Monica and Zach. My feeling is not uncommon, though. Many people who have experienced, or even considered having a threesome, understand that it can create some weirdness between all parties. Experimenting with a threesome means that you need to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. It's not an activity we engage in every day, and it definitely isn't something that is taught in sex ed. We aren't totally sure of how to act or what to say, so we just make it up as we go and hope it works. Naturally, this uneasiness can lead us to feel self-conscious.

Here are a few tips you can use to make your threesome feel less awkward and more natural:

1. Talk About It Beforhand, But Let It Unfold Naturally

Imagine that your friend sets you up on a blind date. She puts you in a room with your date and orders you to kiss each other. You think they're attractive and you're into them, but something just doesn't feel right. An awkward and unnatural atmosphere fills the air. This is analogous to the situation that many couples who try out threesomes experience, and it is  exactly why their threesome feels so awkward. 

Threesomes and any type of group sex need some level of planning beforehand, but you shouldn't scheme or create an unnatural situation in order to facilitate it. Have a conversation with your partners in a comfortable time and space beforehand, and then let the threesome unfold naturally, when the moment is right. 

As Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex psychotherapist, writes for Bustle:

Keep communicating throughout the process to make sure you’re both on the same page. Come up with a code word or signal that you could use to say “time out, I need a second to check in” and one for “this needs to stop right now.”

2. Talk Dirty

Talking dirty is a sexy and fun way to communicate your needs and preferences, so that you have an idea of what your partners  want before you jump into a threesome. This cuts down on any miscommunication, or the awkwardness that can come from forcing a conversation about "what do you like?" in the moment. 

3. Take Advantage Of Sex Toys


During a threesome, one person often feels left out while the other two are engaging. This can lead to feelings of awkwardness while disrupting the  natural flow of the threesome. Bring sex toys and vibrators to the bedroom. That way, when your partners are otherwise occupied, you can keep yourself engaged by playing with yourself. Playing with a toy keeps the mood sexy and fun, and will likely turn on your other partners as well. 

Ready to give it a go? Check out these ideas for threesome sex positions.

Images: Ashley Batz for Bustle; Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle

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