Warning: Depending on how you feel about Austin and Liz, you might need some brain bleach before this article is over. The corners of the Internet that follow both the live feeds and their relationship is abuzz with chatter after it looks like Austin fingered Liz on Big Brother on Tuesday night, becoming the latest in that hall of fame. Or rather, perhaps it would be more accurate to use the more vague and all-encompassing phrase "Austin and Liz hooked up on BB17?" Whatever the kids are saying these days, the fact of the matter is that the cameras made it look like Austin put his finger where he shouldn't while in a house where cameras are never off. Do you want that brain bleach now? Because I already need it.
Granted, we've already had sort of a false alarm before, when the angles of the cameras made it look like Jeff had wiped something on Julia while she was asleep, which later turned out to not be what happened at all. However, there is incriminating evidence that that is not the case here. From the subject matter, you should assume that these photos are just compromising enough to be not safe for work. But just in case you're not getting that memo: Seriously, don't try to analyze these photos at your job — unless your job is, like mine, to report about them.
BRB, I need to go and sob into my hands. Since we can't actually see anything (thank god), we can't say for absolutely sure what is going on under those covers. But, uh ... Yeah, guys. This is a thing that happened. Whatever that thing is. And people can't stop talking about it. Me? Aside from this giving me the intense creeps, since I remain on Team Liz Get Away From Austin He's Creeping On You, I find the timing of this incriminating escapade to be a little ironic, considering it was also just yesterday that my ride-or-die houseguest Julia was preaching against this very thing.
I mean, I try to let Austin and Liz just do Austin and Liz, because it seems as though Liz is returning his feelings, which makes this less of a one-sided obsessive crush than it began as. However, it's hard to completely root for them when we all know that Austin has a girlfriend on the outside that he was suddenly "in an open relationship with" the minute he started to get close with Liz. For someone who didn't come into the house looking for love, going from zero to being implicated in some saucy action in the Big Brother house is kind of a huge leap for me to swallow. And in general, doing anything that could be misconstrued as sexual activity on the live feeds is just gross. Come on, guys. You know the cameras are there. Just self-evict and go to Jury!
But if you're in huge support of Austin and Liz finally resolving all of that sexual tension, then congratulations on (maybe) getting everything you wanted, and then some. It's just a very sad day in the Big Brother house when I'm missing Clelli hardcore. Shelli and Clay would never do me like this. (Pun not intended.) As for the Internet? Well, Big Brother fans are mixed on their reaction to the unconfirmed hookup — for the most part, anyway.
And me? Well, there's one Twitter user who gets me and my interests. Excuse me while I focus on this.
And for more Big Brother, check out Bustle's podcast, The Diary Room.