7 Things A Feminist Does In Bed

According to a 2007 study when it comes to romance, feminists, despite archaic contrary beliefs that we’re an unattractive and unlovable lot (eye roll), have it in the bag. Not only did the study find that feminists are romantic and all lovey-dovey, but when it comes to being sexually satisfied in a relationship, we scores aces in that department, too. We are, let’s be honest, an awesome group of women.

The study by Rutgers University’s Laurie Rudman and Julie Phelan examined 242 undergrads and 289 older adults, with more life and relationship experience than the former group, and had the participants, both male and female, analyze their own feminism. From there, the researchers took that information and linked it to the happiness levels within relationships, measuring it by a combo of thoughts on equality, relationship stability and quality, and the sexual satisfaction in those relationships. What they found was that men in heterosexual couples where the woman is a feminist completely hit the jackpot. It was in these relationships that romance and sexual satisfaction were at their highest for both parties.

What am I trying to get at here? A woman who is a feminist, whether she's straight, lesbian, or transgender, has what it takes to be awesome in the sack. Not every feminist likes dirty talk or porn, and it doesn't make you a bad feminist if you don't enjoy some of the things on this list. Naturally, not all feminists do the same things in bed — but we can agree that sex is about doing what makes you feel good.

1. We're Cool With Dirty Talk

Does every feminist like dirty talk? No. But while a feminist will be damned if anyone calls her a “slut” in the real world, in the bedroom it may be a different story — because a feminist believes in the "you do you" philosophy that says that, as long as what gets you off is appropriate and consensual, then you should have at it. 

When you talk dirty to your partner, whether they are male, female, or elsewhere on the gender spectrum, you’re playing a role, and if that character wants to be called a “dirty little slut,” then so be it. In embracing the words that turn us on in the moment, we’re taking back those words that are derogatory. It’s all about consent and what makes us feel good in bed.

2. We're Not Afraid To Give Direction

Feminists often like to be heard. We believe that our voice has power and we may inject that belief into every corner of our life, especially our sex life. If you think you’re going to be able to go to bed with a feminist and just skate by while only giving 50 percent, then you’re sadly mistaken. In bed, a feminist may have the (awesome) tendency to speak up, give direction, and communicate how and where you need to tweak things. We’re also going to expect you to do the same, because it's time to close the orgasm gap already.

3. We Can Play Both The Dominating And Submissive Roles

Although it might be easy for those who don’t fully understand what it means to be a feminist to think that it’s against our beliefs to be submissive, the truth is being feminist means owning our sexuality. In fact, studies have found that strong and powerful women love to be dominated in bed, because “for alpha females, apparently, submission is empowering." So, yes, many of us love to be tied up and spanked, just as many of us love to be the ones in control in the bedroom.

4. We Really Give It Our All When It Comes To You Having An Orgasm

What is feminism about at its core? Gender equality. What does that mean for any man lucky enough to go to bed with a feminist? We think that they’re just as entitled as we are to have a phenomenal orgasm, so we’re going to make sure you absolutely, positively have one. See? Orgasm equality works in your favor, too.

5. We're Cool With Giving Blow Jobs

Say what?! I know! Minds are being blown left and right! While not all feminists are down with giving blow jobs — both because not all women in general are into it and because not all women are having sex with people who have penises — being a feminist doesn’t mean we think giving blow jobs is anti-feminist. If we take into account things like autonomy, consent, and choice, then any feminist who wants to suck her partner’s penis and love it is delighting in the satisfaction that comes with getting her partner off and the empowerment of choice.

6. We Let Porn Inspire Us

When it comes to women and porn, it’s always been a bit of a battle. As Rashida Jones has explained, the porn industry has a hard time between sexualizing women and letting them embrace their sexuality ― but that is all changing.

With porn creators Ms. Naughty and Erika Lust having entered the industry, and #RealWorldSex being popular, women finally have other options when it comes to porn. Women are creating porn that's less misogynistic and heteronormative and more diverse, realistic, and inclusive — and therefore more enjoyable, . This doesn’t mean we only watch feminist porn; we are open to suggestions, of course. I mean, we’re not tyrants.

7. We Really Enjoy Ourselves

Although old school science will have you believe that only men enjoy sex because only men have sex drives, that’s just complete insanity. Women, feminist or otherwise, are just as capable of enjoying sex as any man, and studies have found that we love casual sex just as much, too. So any thoughts that a woman, just because she’s feminist, might not totally be down to get laid, is just crazy talk. We’re all sexual beings and feminists know that — and love that.

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.

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