Chandler Bing’s Guide To Breakups Simply Couldn't BE Any More Helpful
By Season 5 of Friends, we know that Chandler and Monica are absolutely the perfect couple and were destined to end up together, but prior to that, the Chan-man had one very serious breakup (and no I’m not talking about the multiple times he and Janice ended things). I am talking about Kathy. You might remember her because she first cheated on Joey with Chandler and then cheated on Chandler with Nick, a guy she was in a play with. So basically, Kathy is pretty much the worst person any of the Friends characters date (except, perhaps, Emily). But the silver lining here is that we got to learn all about Chandler's guide to breaking up — a very specific breakup guide from this episode that is ridiculous, but you probably shouldn't mock it in case you actually need Mr. Bing's help one of these days.
Also, I should probably note that this guide is going to be a little more helpful if you're not the one who chose to broke up. Chandler manages to get over being dumped, but we all know that Chandler is pretty much the worst at breaking up with people, er, Janice. He pretty much can’t do it, so if you came here for advice on how to break up with someone, well, the only thing Chandler would advise is moving to Yemen. (You can always use his address 15 Yemen Road, Yemen.) But if you're the heartbroken one, these steps will probably get you started on the non-Yemen road to recovery.
Phase 1: Sweatpants
This is probably the longest phase, but there is nothing anyone can do to help you in this stage because you’re so depressed over your breakup that you pretty much just want to remain in sweatpants. Note that this is also the time for the really good ice cream to come out.
Phase 2: Get Drunk And Go To A Strip Club
When you’re finally out of sweatpants, sometimes you just need to drink and do something... distracting. OK, so a strip club probably isn't the most feminist way to handle your grief, but you can't be expected to make rational decisions in this state. Chandler firmly believes that phase two is crucial if you want to get to phase three, but more on that in a second. It’s important to remember that once drunk, you will try to call your ex, so you have to have friends around that will stop you from making that mistake.
Phase 3: Picture Yourself With Other People
The distraction phase is meant to help you get ready to picture yourself with someone other than your ex. I don’t know how well that works, but I actually don’t think it’s a terrible idea. Once you can see yourself with someone new then you realize that you ex isn’t the only one out there for you.
Phase 4: "No Relationship Ever, Just Sex With Strippers"
I warned you that Chandler’s ways might be a bit unorthodox, but at least after a breakup he takes the time to be single for awhile, even if it’s not entirely his choice. The girls pushed him into phase four after each talking about which stripper they might have a sexual encounter with, because sometimes we just need a rebound. Also, ironically, he does sleep with Monica at the end of the season and that actually worked.
Phase 5: Acceptance
Chandler finally accepts that his relationship with Kathy is over and is back to his normal routine. In the words of Chandler, “Don’t worry, there are plenty of girls just waiting to screw me over.” Ah, acceptance.
Images: Warner Bros. Television; WiffleGif (5)