8 First Date Tips You Haven't Heard Yet, According To Matchmaker Shelby Kern
First dates usually end up in one of two ways: One being that you’re definitely going to see each other again, and the other being, that you’re definitely never going to see each other again – hopefully. Either way, no matter how many times you prep yourself pre-date by telling yourself that you’re a smart, funny, beautiful, independent woman that any man or woman of your choice would just kill to be with, there’s no getting over the fact that first-date jitters can get the best of us. So, how do you have a good first date?
I’m not a big fan of rules when it comes to matters of the heart. But proper first-date etiquette like keeping your phone away or showing interest by asking engaging questions are just a couple of things you need to do to help make your date a success. Not to mention keeping your alcohol intake in check, because, like I said, nerves do tend to get the best of us.
While dating is supposed to be fun and relaxed, it’s hard not to feel pressure when you’re going out with someone that you genuinely like. In the latest edition of “I Want It That Way,” we talk to matchmaker Shelby Kern of Modern Love Club all about first dates. Take a listen:
Here are eight first date tips you haven't heard yet:
1. Wear Something That Makes You Feel Confident — And Comfortable
You definitely want to put in some effort and look good. But if you’re idea of looking hot is pulling down your skirt that keeps riding up every time you take three steps, then you might want to re-think your get-up.
According to Kern, it’s all about “practical dressing.” You not only want to look good, but feel comfortable, as well. When you do that, your confidence will be able to shine through.
2. Make It Less About The Facts And More About The Vibe
When you’re out with someone new, it’s great to have things in common. It makes for easy conversation starters. But as Kern says, “The fact that you went to the same university doesn’t mean you’re going to like each other.” Kern suggests paying less attention to factual similarities and more attention to the vibe, or how you get along.
3. Find Out What They're Looking For Right Off The Bat
Asking someone what their intentions are right away may seem a little uncomfortable, but it’s going to be way less uncomfortable than five dates in when one person is ready to lock down a serious relationship while the other is still exploring their options.
As Kern says, “Be super upfront … People owe it to one another to foster a more open, honest dating environment.”
4. Sex On The First Date?
When it comes to first dates, the issue of sex is always on the table, regardless of whether or not you want to address it. If you're feeling good about it and want to sleep with them, then great! But definitely keep in mind your date's reaction to your post-first date hook-up.
“I don’t want to date a guy who’s not OK with a girl sleeping with him on the first date,” Kern says. Sometimes when you “give it up too soon” it might end up poorly for you. The guy might see you as desperate and decide that he doesn’t want to be with you because of that.
But as Kern says, that’s just an “indicator of a sh*tty guy.” Do you really want to be with a guy or girl who judges you for doing the exact same thing? I don’t think so.
5. Don’t Go Into Details Of Former Dates
Don’t describe all the traits of people you’ve dated before to your current date. For one, it isn’t fair. He’s not the same guy as the obnoxious one who wouldn’t shut up about his numerous past failed relationships. Nor is she the girl who completely disappeared after several seemingly great dates. Give every new date a chance. Leave your baggage at home.
One of the only exceptions to this rule would be if you met through online dating. Sometimes exchanging funny online dating horror stories can be a great topic of conversation.
6. Ask Atypical Questions
Where are you from? What do you do? Do you have siblings? What are they like?
Those are some great basic conversation starters…for when you’re talking to your dentist. But not necessarily when you’re out on a date. Of course you have to get the basics out of the way, but you also need to move on from that. Ask about a favorite childhood memory or an embarrassing moment. Questions like those can help bring out their personality and it can also help you determine whether your sense of humor matches.
7. If Things Get Silent, Don't Be Afraid To Leave
“You’re under no requirement or obligation to fill all the silences,” Kern says. It’s pretty well-known that women are a lot more communicative than men. But if the dude is not putting any effort into the conversation whatsoever, then stop trying. If they’re silent, just stay silent yourself. It’s fair game to leave the date if nobody has anything to say.
8. First Dates Should Not Be A Big Deal
Let me repeat: First dates should not be a big deal. They’re supposed to be fun and casual get-togethers with someone you’re interested in getting to know. Stay calm and be yourself. You shouldn’t have to push yourself to come up with things to say to make yourself seem more interesting to them.
“There are ton of people in the world,” Kern says. “If one person doesn’t want to go on another date with you, then you’re just not compatible.”
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