13 Songs That Influenced The Way You Think About Sex In Weird Ways

I have a notoriously terrible memory but I have very distinct, clear memories of music from my childhood. Maybe it’s because my dad had a weird habit of playing albums over and over again for months at a time, a habit that was reflected in how Top 40 radio works and which imprinted song lyrics in my mind. Or maybe it’s because music is the place that I — and so many kids — first heard about sex and relationships and love. We all remember singing lyrics that were, in retrospect, way too old for us at the time; belting them out with our friends and then going home and contemplating what they really meant.

On the Coming of Age episode of the sex-positive podcast The Heart, Kaleigh Trace talks about growing up in rural Ontario and listening to Prince songs to figure out how sex worked. Her favorite was “Cream,” which includes the lyrics “Cream / Get on top / Cream / You will cop.” She interpreted that to mean that you had to be on top in order to have an orgasm and so her first forays into masturbation involved getting all up on her pillow and humping it. It’s a move that Kaleigh freely admits wasn’t the most effective and while the image is hilarious, you know you have something similar in your past — don't try to deny it.

“Cream” is definitely not the only song that messed with young, impressionable minds. Personally, I remember singing the lyrics to Madonna’s “Erotica” album when I was like, five and asking my dad what “durotic” (what my brain heard instead of “erotic”) meant. (He told me he didn’t know.)

So in the spirit of Prince and Madonna, here are 13 songs that gave you all kinds of questions and made you think all kinds of weird stuff about sex. Don’t worry — I don’t think they did permanent damage.

1. “Caress Me Down” — Sublime

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Lyrics: “And then she pulled out my mushroom tip / and, when it came out, it went drip, drip, drip / I didn't know she had the G.I. Joe / kung-foo grip”

What You Thought: "So that's how you give a hand job?"

2. “Cream” — Prince

Lyrics: “Cream / Get on top / Cream / You will cop.”

What You Thought: "On top? On top of what? Grownups like... rideeach other?"

3. “Like A Virgin” — Madonna

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Lyrics: “Like a virgin / touched for the very first time.”

What You Thought: "Wait, so virgins are sexy? But what happens when you get touched the very first time?"

4. “Sex and Candy” — Marcy Playground

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Lyrics: “I smell sex and candy / Yeah.”

What You Thought: "I know what candy smells like but WTF does sex smell like??"

5. “You Oughta Know” — Alanis Morissette

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Lyrics: “An older version of me / Is she perverted like me? / Would she go down on you in a theater?”

What You Thought: "PEOPLE DO THAT??"

6. “Waterfalls” — TLC

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Lyrics: “His health is fading and he doesn't know why / Three letters took him to his final resting place”

What You Thought: "Sex is scary and can kill you."

7. “Thong Song” — Sisqo

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Lyrics: “Baby make your booty go da na da na”

What You Thought: "So now I need a big butt too?"

8. “I’ll Make Love To You” — Boyz II Men

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Lyrics: “Close your eyes, make a wish / And blow out the candlelight / For tonight is just your night /We’re gonna celebrate, all thru the night”

What You Thought: "This is what every man will do to me every time I make love. Candles. Caresses. Kisses. All. Night. Long."

9. “Let’s Talk About Sex” — Salt ’N Pepa

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Lyrics: “Let's tell it how it is / and how it could be / How it was / and of course / how it should be”

What You Thought: "Sooo... Can you please actually talk about it now?"

10. “Erotica” — Madonna

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Lyrics: “Give it up, do as I say / Give it up and let me have my way / I’ll give you love / I'll hit you like a truck / I’ll give you love / I’ll teach you how to…”

What You Thought: "..."

11. “Barbie Girl” — Acqua

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Lyrics: “Make me walk / make me talk / do whatever you please / I can act like a star / I can beg on my knees”

What You Thought: "Now I'm feeling all kinds of weird stuff toward my Barbies!"

12. “Genie In A Bottle”— Christina Aguilera

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Lyrics: “Ooohhh / my body's sayin' let's go / Ooohhh / but my heart is sayin' no”

What You Thought: "Girls aren't supposed to say yes, even if their 'bodies' want to."

13. “Blister In The Sun” — Violent Femmes

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Lyrics: “Let me go on... big hands / I know you're the one”

What You Thought: "Big hands equal big... Gloves?"

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.

Images: Hina Ichigo /Flickr