If you’ve ever been in a relationship for any period of time, then you know that the key to making it work is not only communication but knowing how to compromise with your partner, too. You might want to binge-watch Broad City while drinking chilled rose, and your partner is more of the beer-and-wings type. You might be the type of gal who enjoys sleeping in on a Saturday, while your partner is more into early Saturday runs and coffee (you’ll take yours in bed, k?).
It’s normal — and well, healthy — to not always agree on everything when you’re dating someone, but there’s a thin line between compromises that make your relationship stronger, and ones that don’t sit well with you when you spoon next to them at night. The red flags that your couplehood isn’t working or you’re settling for less than you deserve isn’t always as obvious or ominous as you might think. While you’d never stick with someone who was abusive physically or emotionally, or a person who isn’t faithful, there are other things that regardless of how much you love your mate, you shouldn’t put up with.
From how your partner supports your career to how much they value their own self-worth, don’t let yourself get stuck in a lackluster relationship that has you feeling sadder than before you met them. In no particular order, these folks share what they can never put it up with when they’re dating:
1. Roberta, 27
“Belittling my dreams. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Either be supportive or get out! Even if they don't necessarily understand the dream or identify with it, they can still respect it.”
2. Leigh, 29
“If we can’t agree on religion, we’re always going to argue about it. I want to raise my children in a Christian household, so an atheist is a no-go for me.”
3. Kelly, 25
“I can’t put up with someone who is manipulative. I don’t need someone to twist my thoughts and actions and mold me into someone I’m not.
4. Paige, 28
“I won’t put up with someone who is a drunk. Not saying that you can never ever have a drunk night that gets away from you, but I ended up canceling a date with a guy I was supposed to go out with who was unnecessarily rude to me and then blamed it on ‘day drinking.’ After he apologized, he said, ‘If you’re accepting of drunk hiccups, you’re obviously an awesome girl and this will work out well.’ My response: ‘To be honest, I don’t have time for that kind of BS.’”
5. Julie, 40
“I can’t be with someone who doesn’t take care of me. I’m not saying I’m incapable of taking care of myself, but if you’re going to be in a relationship, your partner for life is the one who cares for your emotional and physical wants and needs. And you care for theirs. Fortunately, I married a guy who takes care of me - and immediately realized why all other boyfriends felt so temporary. It was this.”
6. Kiley, 28
“I can’t handle someone who has a lack of drive and is lazy. It often leads to being selfish too, but in today’s world, you don’t get ahead, make a name for yourself or get rewarded by being that way. If a person is lazy with their personal life, they will be that way in a relationship.”
7. Rebecca, 27
“I can’t be with someone who doesn’t care of themselves. They don’t have to be the most athletic or fit person, but at least try to eat healthy and exercise. We all have our weaknesses and I’m not healthy all the time, but you only get one body and as humans, we should respect it and take care of it.”
8. Anna, 30
“I won’t put up with someone who doesn’t value the relationships we have with our own families and building relationships with our partner’s family. My grandmother was dying in February and my husband, who in his final year of medical school, took off immediately, no questions asked and drove through the icy weather at the time to get me to her in time to say goodbye. That’s love.”
9. Stephanie, 21
"You should never put up with a bad communicator. We should all be able to communicate how we feel. Don't let anyone make you feel like your opinion doesn't matter. Fights will continue to reoccur if communication is lacking."
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