We all know that size doesn't matter at this point. There is one thing that matters, though: Your reaction to your partner's penis size. An average penis is five to six-and-a-half inches, or thereabouts. It's rare — only one in 100 — that you'll come across anything larger than that. The mystery remains in regard to why so many people are so obsessed with the idea that larger is better, but the fact of the matter is that most are packing the same general situation down there — and some are packing a little less. Packing light, let's say.
But as we all know, good things can come in small packages and all that. If you're with someone who is a little less well-endowed than your last partner, there are a few things to avoid, says dating and relationship consultant Benjamin Ritter, co-host of the Suave Lover podcast and author of The Essentials. Calling penis size "a very sensitive subject," Ritter says that most people don't know "how to handle [it] properly." This much is certain: Act normal. Do not, under any circumstances, make the size of your partner's penis into an issue, says Ritter, who is also the founder of Is Chivalry Dead, a movement to "promote positive, healthy, fulfilling relationships." Here are some things to keep in mind if your partner has a small penis.
1. Don't Say It's Huge
Let's be real: Your partner knows if they have a smaller-than-average penis," Ritter says. It's not helpful to pretend about something like this — you'll only risk hurting your partner's feelings. "One of the worst things you can do is lie," says Ritter. Exaggerating — or, worse, being dramatic — about penis size will just feel hollow and fake.
2. Don't Lie About How It Feels
One widely shared study found that women prefer an average-sized penis — not a huge one. If your partner is on the smaller size of average, never fear: This (hopefully) means that they know how to work it. "One of the greatest things about being with a smaller penis is that [your partner] has learned that foreplay is extremely important," Ritter says. "Faking how it feels inside you may be a temporary ego boost if [they're] delusional, but may make [them] feel [they] don't need to go downtown or use a toy or two." As usual, be honest, ask for what you need and see what happens next.
3. Don't Give It A Nickname Or Call It "Cute"
"Do not focus on the size or nickname a smaller penis," warns Ritter. "Insecurities will reframe practically every comment as negative and cause conflict." Don't chance making your partner feel inferior by being too silly or thoughtless.
4. Don't Make A Joke
In the same vein, says Ritter, don't be goofy about the very thing that your partner might be worrying about in bed. "Pick your largest insecurity. Now imagine right at the point that it's on display, the person you care about makes a joke to you about it." We all have insecurities, and we trust our partners not to point them out — especially not in bed.
5. Don't Tell Your Friends
"Gossip travels fast," says Ritter. If you need to discuss your partner's size with your best friend in confidence, do as you will. But don't spread it around the block, especially not in a derisive manner.
6. Don't Bring It Up In A Fight
"Conflict can make you say thing you regret," says Ritter. That's for sure, but in the heat of the moment, it's easy to forget. "Whatever you do, avoid using this bit of information as a way to make [them] feel bad just because you do," he says. If you do need to talk about their penis size, definitely do not, under any circumstances, do so in the middle of an argument. That's just aggressively nasty.
7. Don't Cheat
This should go without saying, but here it is nonetheless: Cheating is never the way. That said, though size really isn't usually an issue, there are special circumstances under which you may not feel sexually fulfilled. It's possible to stay with someone you're into, says Ritter, even if the sex isn't doing it for you. "Bring up the possibility of other types of relationships," he suggests. Whether you try an open relationship or bring in other partners, he says, there are solutions. And none of them involve cheating, because that is the answer exactly never.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions for small penises: