Cunnilingus is the holy grail of sex for some women. They just rave about it. And there's a myth that it's hard to come by a male partner who does it, or that enjoys it, and I just think that's nonsense. I have never met one who doesn't. And some are obsessed. So sorry, you are like other guys— the vagina tastes great and people love to give head. Let's just get out there. But just because some men or women enjoy giving it to their partners, doesn't mean they know the best way to give oral sex. So how do you make him or her better at oral?
And for me, bad oral sex is the worst because at least when you're having sex or doing hand stuff it keeps you engaged. Bad oral sex is the only thing I can genuinely zone out during. Maybe it's that the tongue isn't as powerful, or something about them feeling so far away from me, I don't know— I can get distracted. But that's sort of on me, because it takes two to tango and part of that is helping your partner know what makes you feel good.
So here are six ways to help your partner be better at oral, if you're finding it a little overwhelming:
1. Make Some Noise
I make a lot of noise in bed. A lot. My poor flatmate does some pretty embarrassing impressions of me. But it's fine— firstly because I like being loud and it makes me happy, and secondly because I think it's an essential sex tool. Not only does it turn your partner on, it's the clearest way to indicate what you like. So if you're not really enjoy the oral (or the anything), be loudly appreciative of the better bits, the things that are a step in the right direction. They'll like hearing you enjoy yourself and want to do more of the same.
2. Talk It Out
Sometimes you just have to say it. It doesn't mean you have to some massive conversation about how your partner is terrible at going down on you— that's not going to help anything. Instead, you can talk about all the things you love that your partner does (even if it's something they only did once by accident, but it's the best thing they've done down there).
"I love it when you... " is a powerful tool. Be encouraging, focus on the good and hope they leave the "meh" stuff behind.
3. Be Specific
An important thing to remember when it comes to helping someone know what you like: you need to know what you like first. If you're not enjoying something, but don't have any actual suggestions for how to make it better, it's going to be a terrible conversation if you just tell them it's no good. If you're not sure what you like, take some alone time, play with yourself, think of what's worked with partners in the past, and figure it out.
4. Suggest Some Finger Help
Porn is a damn liar. In porn, there are normally large sections dedicated to a tongue and a clit and nothing else. If that works for you, great! But most of the best oral sex will involve some fingering too, so if the tongue isn't doing it for you suggest a hand— from you or from them— to take it up a level.
5. Introduce Helpers
Fingers and tongues not enough for you? The thing is, they both get tired. We get tired. We don't run on batteries. But you know what does run on batteries... ? Lots of fun things run on batteries I'm just saying, if the cunnilingus is stalling and you're just not enjoy it, bringing in a vibrator can be a complete gamechanger.
6. Know When It's Just Not For You
Some things just don't do it for you— that's fine. Personally, I'm not blown away by oral sex 90 percent of the time. I used to feel like I was doing something wrong because everyone raves about it— like if I could just relax enough or give enough hints it'll all work. But I'm kinda over that. There have only been a few people where it's really done anything for me, so if I'm finding it underwhelming, I know that it's probably me and don't get too worked up about it. Everyone's different. Know that it might not be mind-blowing and it'll take the pressure off both of you, then you can enjoy it for what it is.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions for small penises:
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