6 Reasons It Can Be OK To Hate Your Partner Every Now & Then
It's not nice to hate people. We've had that message pounded into us as children and reinforced our whole lives. And sure, it's not exactly the nicest thing to feel (or admit to feeling). But that doesn't mean that hatred can't have its place in the full spectrum of emotions that come with any long-term relationship. In fact, sometimes it can be a good thing to hate your partner.
That's a harsh statement to make, and maybe you disagree, but since occasionally feeling like your hate your partner is something most couples deal with, according to Psych Central author Cherilynn Veland, LCSW, MSW., it's worth examining hatred in the context of how it can make your relationship better.
Because let's be honest. We've all been there. Building a life with someone, or even just spending long periods of time together, is hard work that you will both screw up on occasion. Instead of beating yourself up or thinking you're a terrible person for harboring such negative feelings toward someone you're supposed to love, you can use those feelings as an opportunity to make yourself happier, to strengthen your partnership, and to resolve lingering conflict. So next time you start to feel like you can't stand this person you've agreed to spend significant portions of your life with, take solace in the fact that your hatred is both common and useful.
1. It Means You Are Normal
Everyone in a long-term relationship hates their partner once in awhile, according to Veland, LCSW, MSW in an article for Psych Central. It just part of being in a long-term, committed relationship. Choosing to stay in love and to work through your hard times is what it takes to get over these bumps in the road.
2. It Means You Have Deep Love
You can't hate someone that you didn't once love. "The deeper the love, the deeper the potential to hate" said relationship author Iris Krasnow for the Huffington Post. If you're feeling something as opposed to feeling nothing , then you have a base to work with and grow from, if you choose to, according to Krasnow.
3. It Can Lead To Greater Happiness
Happiness is an inside job, according to Nancy Simon, LCSW writing for Good Therapy. If you feel like you hate your partner, you could be expecting your partner to be the source of all your happiness. You are responsible for your own happiness.
4. It Can Lead To A Better Partnership
Even though you feel like you hate your partner, you could actually be experiencing deeper feelings of anxiety, distance, or fear that you need to address, said Simon. Getting to the root of your negative feelings can take your relationship and your personal happiness to a new level.
5. It Can Mean You're In A Healthy Relationship
If you're able to identify and express your feelings, even negative ones, you've nailed one of the tenants of healthy communication, according to a blog post on non-profit mental health website Help Guide. While it's not necessarily helpful or healthy to name call or tell your partner you hate him or her, identifying those feelings can help you problem solve and solve conflicts that have been festering for too long. Sometimes it takes a good fight to finally get to a good resolution.
6. It Can Ignite Your Sex Life
Angry sex and make-up sex are so good because they mix strong emotions with strong chemical processes in the brain, according to Medical Daily. Not only is it a way to reconnect after a disagreement, but it's also a way to release energy and emotions that flared up during the rough patch that made you feel like you hated your partner. Just keep in mind that sex is not a substitute for communication, according to the site.
Getting to the bottom of your hatred is the first step to moving past it. Sometimes those feelings mean the end, but more times than not, they can be overcome with healthy communication and a commitment to honoring your love. Good things can come from even the darkest of places.
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