How To Help Your Partner Be Better At Going Down

Whether you love receiving oral sex or think it's overrated, there's always room for improvement. But how do you help your partner improve their oral skills? While we may think it's all about having fun, enjoying tongue-induced orgasms, or (for those of us who don’t care for it) a great time to go over our to-do lists, research has proven that it’s about so much more than that. For hetero couples, it’s actually about keeping you faithful to your partner. According to science, there’s an evolutionary reason behind cunnilingus.

A 2013 study of heterosexual couples by Oakland University found that men perform oral sex as a “mate retention tactic” ― as a means to help prevent their partner from cheating. It seems that, at least from an evolutionary perspective, men want to go down on you so as to prevent infidelity.

The thinking is that giving oral sex leads to greater satisfaction within the relationship. So if that’s the case, why would a woman stray from her cunnilingus-loving partner? Well, what if that cunnilingus-loving partner completely sucks at it? If that’s the case, the more bad head a woman gets, the more likely she probably is to take off and find a guy who actually knows what he’s doing down there.

Whether you’re in the group who gets it all the time and it’s awful, or you get it and it’s already great, but you know in your heart of hearts it could be better, you may want to help your partner get better at oral. Here six ways to do just that.

1. Tell Them What You Like

When it comes to oral sex, people prefer different techniques. I know I have some friends who enjoy the feeling of their partner’s tongue entering their vagina, while others want their partner to just totally focus on the clitoris. No matter what you prefer when it comes to receiving oral sex, you have to tell your partner. Vocalizing your likes and dislikes is all about communication, and that’s the first step toward any and all great sex and sex related acts.

2. Show Them What You Like

If you’re comfortable enough to tell them what you like, then maybe you can actually show them what you like. As every writing professor will tell you, the way to make your audience really understand and be interested in your writing is by showing, as opposed to just telling. I think this goes for oral sex, too.

So with your legs spread wide, actually take the time to point out to them your most sensitive areas. Teach them about what different amounts of pressure feel like to you, so they can bring that new knowledge to their game the next time they go down on you.

3. Give Them Direction

Once you get going, don’t be afraid to give them direction. If your partner is really invested in making you feel good and getting you off, they’ll welcome the direction and not be offended. If someone is put off by being asked to tweak their technique a bit, then that’s not someone you want in your bedroom anyway. Giving direction during sex is something we should all be comfortable doing, just as we should all be comfortable in receiving direction.

4. Take Control

Just as you would during the cowgirl position, take control of the situation. If your partner isn’t really hitting all the key spots, then raise your hips, gyrate in a way that can lead them to the right neck of the woods, or grab their hair and politely guide them. Besides, there’s nothing hotter than grabbing your partner's hair when you’re getting oral. It also shows how much you’re really into it.

5. Encourage Them To Use Other Resources

Oral sex doesn't have to involve just his mouth on your vagina; it can (and should!) incorporate other things. For example, as your partner licks your clit, tell them to put their finger inside you at the same time. Or, if you prefer a more intense stimulation on your clit, suggest that they use a vibrator there, while his tongue focuses on other parts, like penetrating your vagina and/or licking and sucking your vulva.

6. Give Them Positive Feedback

Whether you choose to give positive feedback by using your words or by moaning, if things are feeling good, then definitely let your partner know in one way or another. Studies have found that positive feedback, especially in terms of moaning, reinforces your partner’s confidence and gets them even more excited and turned on by what they're doing. Just don’t fake it. You can’t expect your partner to get better at oral if you fake it.

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