7 Stages Of Shopping For A Warm Halloween Costume

Recently, I was doing some research on Halloween costumes and found myself quickly frustrated, annoyed, and disgusted by the limited options of warm Halloween costumes for women. Deciding I had enough feelings to publish a novel, I chose to summarize my thoughts into seven emotional stages of shopping for a Halloween costume that is also warm. The issue stems from the fact that many women's costumes are super revealing — I mean, how am I supposed to not freeze while dressed like a sexy bottle of Sriracha? The problem eventually led me to stop shopping for a costume altogether.

It may not be a big surprise that most options I found for women reveal either a lot of legs, chest, arms, or all of the above. This is all good and well when trying to make a sexy statement or when you live somewhere where it's warm on Halloween, but when you're trying to stay away from the whole frostbite thing, it doesn't make as much sense to go the sexy costume route. In many places in the country, it's cold on Halloween, and personally, I'm not going to risk getting sick just to pull off a sexy farmer's wife costume. I wanted a creative, clever, warm costume that kept me bundled up all evening. I shouldn't have had to search all over the Internet to find a women's Halloween costume that covered me and kept me toasty, right? But I did.

Meanwhile, searching for men's costumes was enjoyable. Many men's costumes are warm enough to be worn outside in the cold, while the female versions of the costumes were always barely there and definitely not cold weather appropriate. The inequality of the options drove me to possibly give up on Halloween forever. Here are the seven emotional stages of shopping for a warm halloween costume.

1. Hope

It begins as a normal day — just scouring about the Internet, searching for that perfect Halloween costume that fulfills every costume checklist I've unashamedly been thinking about since August.

2. The Search

Not all hope is lost yet at this point. I found myself clicking on many different sites and scrolling through many different pages of costumes. Everyone once in awhile, I find an outfit that would keep me warm, but isn't just not quite my cup of tea for this year's Halloween party. But it's enough to give me a little more hope to continue clicking and continue scrolling.

3. Humor

Tensions are starting to rise and your brows are starting to furrow, but cracking a few jokes with a friend helps lighten the mood a bit. "Could you imagine wearing this or walking in those shoes in the cold? Nope." In this stage, however, I also begin the feel the small ball of nervousness and frustration growing inside of my chest.

4. Frustration

Jokes are no longer funny and rage is slowly approaching. I was starting to realize I may not be finding a costume today. Or ever.

5. Rage

Actual footage of me reaching this stage. I almost threw my laptop across the room. I finally realized that there were hardly any pre-assembled costumes that would keep me warm on Halloween nights.

6. Backup Plan

In this stage, I started searching for men's costumes instead, and realized I actually liked them all. A lot. But then I was immediately annoyed. "This isn't fair," I thought. Why do men get to stay warm while we all freeze on October 31? Not OK.

7. Deep Thoughts

I close my laptop, deciding to boycott pre-assembled Halloween costumes forever. If I have children, they will survive wearing a homemade Halloween costume that is clever, carefully crafted, and will keep them warm.

In the meantime, as for me for this Halloween, well... I guess I'll just buy a men's costume or throw a sweater on and call it a day. That will have to do for now.

Images: Hayli Goode; Giphy (7)