I Used The Ghost Hunting App To Check How Haunted My Office Was & I Have Some Bad News

Honesty hour: I'm a big old wimp when it comes to ghost stories, but I also can't get enough of them. Basically, using this Ghost Hunter M2 app was a recipe for disaster before it even began. So in order to cope with the ~spooky feelings~ it was undoubtedly going to give me, I bucked my wimpy self up and decided to ghost hunt in the broad daylight and relative safety of the Bustle offices. (I say "relative" because if anyone were ever going to OD on cheese, it would be here.)

I don't know if I believe in ghosts, personally. The idea is both too terrifying and oddly comforting to reconcile. Like, would I personally ever want to be a ghost? Didn't Nearly Headless Nick make it look pretty lame, all things considered? But at the same time, it's nice to think that there is some version of you that won't get entirely erased when you're dead. That even when every person who ever knew you or heard of you is dead, somewhere you are still preserved in a ripple of the universe. I try not to think about it too hard, though, because did I mention that I am an insufferable wimp?

I'd like to think that if ghosts are real then they know this about me, and that's why they've been really chill and stayed away. But today I'm changing the game. Today I walked out into the cosmos, armed with this ghost hunting app and a giant pair of headphones, and waited for them to speak through the time-space continuum (gulp).

Here's what the app looks like:

The super spooky part is the EVP block — the block that captures words ghosts are trying to say to you. If you're going to do this anywhere public, I strongly suggest putting headphones in, because it will speak the captured words out loud and you WILL terrifying your desk neighbors and/or unsuspecting peeing coworkers. Here are all the places I hunted for ghosts in the Bustle offices:

My Desk

Expertly cropped, because I'm a shameless slob, and also I didn't want to #humblebrag about all the Harry Potter books currently strewn across my desk. Maybe it was all that magical energy that brought forth these ghosts. After several minutes of finagling and consulting deskmate Gaby Moss, Bustle's resident paranormal expert, I finally figured out how to hear the ghosts ... at which point it said the word "eyeglasses" and "two". The ghost got closer (it changes colors to indicate where it is) and then said "moon," "bushes," and "capture." There's a nerdy werewolf kidnapping people on the 11th floor of my building, apparently. Jacob, is that you?

Giphy

#rawrrwrrr.

The Office Bathroom

Because everyone's fave gal in the office is the one who camps out by the sink with her phone and stares into the void without any explanation while they're trying to pee in peace! The ghosts were a little shy in here (pee-shy, you might even say), but more forthcoming with what they did give. I got "fan" and "locket" and "Callie". Oddly, my coworker Kadeen, who just bought a Supernatural necklace at Comic Con like the fangirl she is, happened to be peeing while this happened. Maybe the ghost was just trying to narrate her life? Or maybe Kadeen has a Moaning Myrtle BFF in the bathroom she didn't know about until just now?

The Stairwell

I decided to camp out in our stairwell, and for the first time since starting the experiment, I was hella alone. It wasn't just ~spoopy~ in there. It was legit spooky. I was in there for a few minutes before it said anything to me, and when it did I nearly jumped out of my skin: "Perhaps". A capital perhaps. Like it was starting a sentence. And the next word? "Biden."

Giphy

I know what you're wondering: Perhaps Biden will WHAT?!??! It is a very topical thing for a ghost to be discussing, especially since Joe Biden has been tight-lipped about whether or not he's entering the presidential race for 2016. But alas, 'twas meant to be a mystery, because I jumped outta my gourd when my lovely coworker Kaitlin walked in and then I was too terrified to return. (Sorry, Biden. You'll have to figure out the future on your own.)

The Main Entryway

OK, OK. So up until now everything was pretty tame. I settled down into a chair here and started doing catch-up work for the end of the week, nothing that required too much brain power, but distracted me just enough that after a few minutes I forgot I had the EVP thing connected to my headphones in the first place. And then ... well.

It started innocently enough. "Mad." "Occur." "Cup." "Thirties." OK, so someone in the 1930s got into a bar brawl. Stuff happens. I mean, it's been 80 something years, but whatevs, hold your grudge.

And then it just got weird. The next three words came all within a minute, and they were chilling: "Cannibal." "Children." "No."

Mind you, I am smack dab in the epicenter of New York Freaking City, capital of the world (according to me). I'd like to think we've been rather civilized as a human race to not, like, eat people here for the last few centuries, so this was either a very old ghost, an extremely effed up ghost, or a ghost that reeeee-heeaaally wanted to mess with me today. And that's when the radar on the app blipped twice — suddenly there were two ghosts. TWO.

The second one had Stuff To Say. Namely "Maid" and "Pleasure" at which point I peaced out, because I didn't want to get sexted by the undead, TBH. That just didn't seem like something the honorary Dean Winchester of the office would do.

Images: Warner Bros; Ghost Hunter M2; Emma Lord; Giphy