Oh the joys of breaking up with somebody ... except not so much. Nobody ever looks forward to breaking somebody's heart. Well, unless you're a cruel person. But let’s assume you’re not. Knowing how and when to break up with someone can be extremely painful. It’s the kind of rejection that is sometimes too much for the heart to handle. Even though it’s terribly sad for the person being broken up with, we tend to forget what it might like for the breaker-upper. Usually, that person has put a lot of thought behind his or her decision, and it probably wasn’t easy. They didn’t just wake up one day and think, “It’s a good day to break my partner’s heart.” So instead of looking at a person who breaks up with another as heartless, open your mind and judge a little bit less. Just know it was probably a tough road for that person to get to.
If you are going to break up with your lover, there are some things you need to be aware of prior to the event. Ending a relationship is a serious decision. Don’t take it lightly, and be sure to put thought behind it. Being a dating expert and relationship counselor, I have seen how a breakup can go seriously wrong, as well as better than expected. It’s all how you handle it that will shape the breakup itself. Here are seven things you should know before you breakup with your other half.
1. Being Friends Might Not Be An Option
You may love the idea of the two of you staying friends forever, but that may not be possible. Your boyfriend or girlfriend will probably need some time to digest everything. After you've taken some space away from each other and some time has passed, then maybe — just maybe — you two can have a friendly relationship. You should just hold off on buying those "best friend" necklaces for now.
2. They Might React Unexpectedly
You might think that you know your significant other so well that you’re able to predict how he or she will react after they hear the bad news. But trust me, you can’t predict the future, or how someone else will feel. It’s likely that he or she will be upset — probably some tears and maybe a little bit of yelling. Or he or she could feel the exact way you do, and be happy that this is a mutual decision. The lesson here is to go into it expecting the unexpected.
3. It May Be Harder Than You Think
Thinking about doing something this significant is one thing, but actually doing it is another. When it comes down to actually cutting off the relationship, it may be harder than you thought. You might chicken out, you might stumble upon your words or you might try to get him or her back right after you do it because you're afraid you made the wrong decision. Even if you think it will be a piece of cake, just know it’s harder to cut than you even know.
4. You May Lose Some Friends
When you’re in a relationship, you start sharing the same friends as your partner. When you break up, some of those friends will feel conflicted (especially if it was a bad breakup). Even though they won’t want to choose between you two, they might feel obligated to do so. Therefore, be ready to lose a couple of friends along the way. The good news is that if you do lose some friends, they probably weren’t true friends to begin with if they are gone in a flash.
5. It’s Normal To Not Be 100 Percent Sure
Deciding to break up with your partner isn’t an easy decision to make. You might go back and forth, especially if it’s been a long relationship. Not being 100 percent sure is kind of the name of the game when it comes to breaking up. You’re never going to be perfectly positive that you want to break somebody's heart. You will have doubts and you will have “what ifs.” That’s normal.
6. Honesty Is The Best Policy
When you finally tell your other half you are done, remember that honesty is the best policy. It might be hard to tell them that you don’t love him or her anymore, but they deserve to hear the truth. If aren’t completely honest, he or she might hold on to hope that there could be potential of you two getting back together in the future. Don’t say “it’s not you, it’s me” if you really don’t mean it. You won’t be doing anybody any favors with a meaningless statement.
7. You Should Prepare Yourself
Think of this as a speech. Before a speech or presentation for class, you would usually prepare all night for it. You would know what you wanted to say and how you were going to say it. This should be the same way you go about a breakup. Prepare for them to beg for you to stay together, and how you will respond to that. Prepare yourself for unpleasant emotions or comments out of anger.
Just like any big journey, you need to be mentally prepared, and always remember why you started out on this path in the first place.
Images: Ryan Polei/Flickr; Giphy (7)
