7 Ways To Tell He Or She Is Not Into You

Is there anything more painful than the pang of unrequited love? Methinks not, but maybe I'm biased because I've spent so much of my adult life casually dating, and, as a consequence, casually being rejected. I can't even quantify how many times I've been "blindsided" by a guy, only to look back and think, well, duh, he wasn't into me. Because of the delicate nature of our hearts (even if you might not admit it), it's only natural to be on the lookout for signs someone isn't into you in order to protect yourself from potential heartache.

Like the iconic film He's Just Not That Into You so wisely informs us, when it comes to romance, you're the rule, not the exception. As much as you want to believe that all the red flags mean nothing and you'll somehow end up happily ever after with the chronic cheater or the commitment-phobe, you have to face the facts and realize that often, our gut feelings about someone's shady behavior are spot-on.

As such, it's always a good idea to be aware of behaviors that could mean someone has emotionally checked out from the relationship. Here are seven signs that someone you're dating isn't that into you — heed these warnings if you want to guard your heart and find someone worthy of your affections.

1. You Always Initiate Contact

I've said it before and I'll say it again: If someone wants to talk to you or see you, they will. If you find yourself stressing about how much you're texting them or you feel weird because you're always the one to make plans, chances are that you aren't just being paranoid: If the person you're with is right for you, there shouldn't be any weirdness about communicating. My rule of thumb? If I don't feel comfortable quadruple-texting someone and fear they'll see me as "clingy," it's not a healthy relationship power dynamic to begin with.

2. They're Distant In Every Way...Except Sexually

You might be more than happy to exchange a smooch while you're out and about together, but your partner seems reserved, cold, and reluctant to engage in any PDA. They never want to take pictures together or post on social media, and they also seem averse to long, emotional talks. Sure, some people take time to open up, but if your gut is telling you that someone isn't really letting you in except in the bedroom, you might want to reevaluate. 

3. They're "Busy" All The Time

Look, everyone has their own sh*t going on, and it's healthy to maintain some independence in a relationship. But if you're constantly being snubbed — maybe they can never find time to hang out, or they "didn't see" your text for like, 12 hours — there's a high probability that they're just not as into it as you are. There's nothing worse than the feeling of reaching out to someone over and over, only to be repeatedly rebuffed. If you're looking for someone who can commit more time to you, don't be ashamed.

4. You Don't Know Their Friends/Family

If your relationship with this person exists solely within the context of the two of you hanging out together, with no social engagements, there's a chance they're keeping you at arms-length for a reason. It's only natural to want someone you like to meet your friends and family, and start being more integrated into your social circles. If it's been more than a couple months and you've let him or her meet your friends, but haven't been extended the same courtesy, you might want to have a conversation about where things are going.

5. The Physical Intimacy Is Lacking

It's easy to delude yourself into thinking that because you regularly have sex, things are going swell. Unfortunately, sex and intimacy, while amazing together, are not always a package deal. If your partner no longer seems prone to cuddling and PDA, these are pretty clear indicators that someone just isn't feeling you. Little displays of intimacy are extremely important to a healthy relationship, and you're not "needy" for craving these things. And obvi, if your partner is also avoiding sex, too, that's not a good sign (but be sure to communicate about things like mismatched libidos before jumping to conclusions).

6. They Never Ask About You

If your text or IRL conversations consist only of short, concise answers, and the person never seems keen to keep the conversation going by asking questions, you might want to tread carefully. Although some people truly are just bad at texting, it majorly shows interest when someone takes the time to ask you about your day or to really delve in and ask you personal, "get to know you" questions. The best part of a relationship is having a partner to share your life with; if someone is holding back on the sharing part, they might be closed off and questioning their feelings for you.

7. There's Never Talk Of The Future

Someone who's into you and feeling confident that things are heading in a good direction will have no problem getting tickets for that concert next month. On the other hand, someone who's emotionally pulling away can't even make a solid brunch plan for this weekend without flinching. Obviously, you shouldn't start planning your dream wedding on Pinterest, but with a partner who's genuinely interested in being with you, you should feel somewhat comfortable making future plans, even if they're small. 

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.

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