How To Party On Halloween, As Told By Horror Movies
Ghastly, ghoulish and truly liberating, Halloween is the true party queen of the year — don't let phonies like New Years Eve and Christmas mislead you into thinking otherwise. Halloween is where the fun is! It's the only day of the year where the misfits amongst us (myself included) feel like they can truly escape into a crowd, unnoticed, and where you can not only dress to impress but also dress to satisfy your most base pop cultural fantasies.
Partying on Halloween is like singing carols at Christmas (not that I've ever sang a single carol in my adult life or intend to start), it's a time to celebrate the macabre, embrace your fears and raise a tall, frosty glass to the party gods of the spookiest day of the year.
Now, you're a grown ass woman, so I don't need to educate you on how to have fun. But, if you've been watching closely enough, then horror films have been bombarding us with some pretty solid party advice over the years. From basic etiquette to self defense techniques, how to truly let your dorky dance flag fly to expressing who are you beneath the costume. We've got it right here, ladies and gentleman. Your horror movie guide to Halloween partying.
Get The Party Started (Dude Bro Party Massacre III)
Look, nobody wants to be having to waste perfectly good costume prep time on tidying the house up, but you definitely don't want people dripping fake blood on the clothes you left lying around after work last night or dancing in the mirth of old, crusty pizza boxes. Do your guests a solid and make the place spooktacular for them. Bonus points to you if you happen to have patron saint of party Andrew WK around to help inspire proceedings (also, best cameo ever, Dude Bro Massacre III. Well played).
Set The Scene (Final Destination 5)
Whilst this Saved By The Bell-inspired music video didn't actually happen in the movie, you have to admit it's clearly one of the greatest things to come out of a horror movie series where people are killed by seemingly harmless everyday objects. It also beautifully illustrates that, no matter what your costume is, there is always a way to make it Halloween-appropriate. Have a burning desire to dress like your favorite '90s TV character? Think Final Destination and throw them through the meat grinder. You'll be surprised how far a little fake blood and corpse paint can go to really creep up that Jessie Spano costume. (And caffeine pills. Natch.)
Don't Kill The Vibe With Bad Music (Idle Hands)
Firstly, props to Jessica Alba in this scene, because who knows what she's dancing to, but it certainly isn't a horrifying cover of a Ramone's song. No matter what you think of The Offspring (and I'll spare you my harsh judgement) they are not the first band I think of when I want to party. Sadly for lead singer Dexter Holland, a murderous, demonic hand soon puts a swift end to his musical career (and, I guess, his life most importantly?) which teaches us all a vital party lesson: Don't be a victim of a bad playlist. Switch it up a gear and watch your party saunter into success.
Dance Like No-One (But Jason Voorhees) Is Watching (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter)
Now we're talking! As Drake has recently taught us, there's nothing wrong with letting your dork flag fly when it comes to dancing. Crispin Glover knew this all too well in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (Spoiler Alert! It wasn't the final chapter) with what can only be described as a young man truly owning his weirdness and just going with it. His performance is truly a thing of great beauty.
Liven Up Your Fellow Guests (Beetlejuice)
If you should find yourself at the Halloween dinner party from Hell (and not in a cool "I'm hanging out with The Grateful Dead in the underworld!" sort of way), bored beyond repair, then you might just need a little assistance from the undead to posses your fellow guests and indulge in a Harry Belafonte sing-a-long session. Not only is it a fantastic ice breaker but it also comes with the option to cleanly end the party when you start feeling a bit sleepy by simply saying Beetlejuice three times.
Commit To A Sing-A-Long Session (Corpse Bride)
Seriously, treat Halloween like a big old spooky version of New Years Eve and when the clock strikes midnight make like an undead pirate, raise your steins to the ceiling and sing your Halloween equivalent of Auld Lang Syne.
Don't Be A Horror Movie Marathon Party Pooper (Scream)
If you happen to be lucky enough to be enriched with the sort of friends who hear 'Halloween party' and instantly think 'horror movie marathon,' then don't ruin proceedings by pausing movies just so you can attempt to impress with your extensive horror movie knowledge and speeches about Jamie Lee Curtis' breasts like Randy Meeks in Scream. That is faux pas number one. Just drink your beer and be chill.
Be A Badass (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
Whilst we can't all be lucky enough to have a peak era Luke Perry as our boyfriend who is kind enough to loan us his leather biker jacket to keep us, I don't know, warm or cool or safe against vampires, we can still be a total fierce femme fatale without him (your loss, Perry!). If you happen to be partying out in clubs or bars on Halloween, then make like Buffy and keep yourself and your girl gang safe against annoying dudes just looking to get a bit of neck.
Don't Freak Out (Demons 2)
Oh dear, we all have those times when we've maybe misjudged our party limits and overdone it on the Halloween punch — but don't pull a Sally from Demons 2 and automatically rip your friends to shreds. Bad form, lady! Get yourself some water, grab your bestie and go chill in a safe space for a while (might I recommend an empty bathtub?). You'll be right as rain and get your second wind in no time (and nobody will ever have to remind you that vodka maybe turns you ever slightly demonic).
This is essential stuff, people, the Halloween party essentials direct from the Horror vault. So go big, dance wildly, party hard and whatever you do, don't turn into a pumpkin a midnight.
Images: Dimension Films