What Women In Same-Sex Relationships Fight About

by Kristine Fellizar

In the latest edition of Bustle’s sex and relationships podcast, I Want It That Way, we talked to Heather Hogan of Autostraddle about lesbian sex and relationships and girl-on-girl culture. For those of you unfamiliar, Autostraddle is a website dedicated to queer women, who are radically feminist, and want to talk about all facets of the queer experience. While a majority of the site’s users are queer, according to Hogan, there’s a good amount of straight women who also visit the site. Because Autostraddle takes pride in being a safe space for community discussions, women of all orientations flock to the site in order to openly discuss women’s issues—especially those centered around sex—without it having to be all about the male’s experience.

According to Hogan, many of the most popular posts contain results on surveys they’ve conducted about lesbian relationships and sex. Whether it’s all about lesbian sex in The Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey or what they fight about, queer women – like most women – just want to know that what they want or what they’re going through is normal. Because nobody should feel like what they want or who they are is weird.

Here are six things you should know about lesbian sex and relationships.

1. Lesbians Orgasm More Than Straight Women

According to Autostraddle’s Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey from earlier this year, 77.8 percent of queer women orgasm most or every time they have sex with a partner, while only 57 percent of straight women can say the same.

2. Squirting Is Still The "Unicorn Of Sexual Experiences.”

Only 32.6 percent of those surveyed said they've experienced quirting, while almost 50 percent said they haven’t. But for those women who have squirted, 85.2 percent say they have orgasms most or every time they engage in partner sex.

3. Monogamy May Lead To Better Sex

As part of the survey, Autostraddle looked into whether or not relationship status was important in the queer woman’s sexual experience. As it was found, 65.7 percent of those in monogamous relationships say they orgasm at least once during partner sex. That number drops down to 50.4 percent for those in non-monogamous relationships, and 44.14 percent for singles.

According to Autostraddle, those in monogamous relationships feel much more confident in bed, they aren’t afraid to communicate about sex, and they’re willing to try new things.

4. LGBT Women Masturbate More Than Straight Women

According to the survey, 44 percent of LGBT women masturbate multiple times a week. Straight women, on the other hand, are more likely to report masturbating a few times per year to monthly.

5. A Little Over 50 Percent Of Lesbian Women Say Fighting Can Be Productive

In Autostraddle’s Lesbian Fight Club survey released this year, 3,500 participants answered questions about fights in their relationships. As it was found, 27 percent of them say they fight with their partners a few times a month. But nearly 60 percent try to avoid going to bed angry.

6. Women In Same-Sex Relationships Are Most Likely To Fight About Relationship Expectations

About 60 percent of those surveyed said relationship expectations are the number one thing they fight about, followed by pet peeves or annoying habits (55.6 percent), and then sex (41.7 percent). When it comes to make-up sex after an argument, only 38 percent say they do it “always,” while 55 percent say they do it “sometimes.”

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