What Your Email Address Says About You In 2015

I can tell everything I need to know about you by your email address. OK, not everything. I probably couldn't judge the color of your areolas or how your breath smells in the morning (although if I had to guess on the breath thing, it'd probably be bad). But I really can tell a lot about you just by looking at your email address. An email can tell you a lot about a person, from their age, position in life, level of laziness and their attachment to the year 2003. For instance, I would never allow a friend to date a man whose email address was super_kevin69@aol.com. Because that guy is all sorts of ass-backwards when it comes to technology.

Just as there's social media etiquette, there's email etiquette, and it's not just what you say in your email that counts. It's what your actual email address says about you. So look at your email address. Think about it. Now think about how people like me (sensible) are judging it. Because your email address is being judged. Especially if you're in the situation where you have to dictate it to someone in a professional scenario: "Yes that's sweetpuss, one word, all lower case, at hotmail dot com". Maybe you've never had to say it out loud before, but one day you might have to, so be sure you're comfortable with that. Here's what your email address says about you.

1. YourName@Gmail.com

You are tech savvy, or at least up to date with email in 2015, probably organized, and definitely reliable, normal human. Your emails will never go to someone's spam folder. You spend at least 30 percent of your work day GChatting.

2. YourName@YourNameOrBusiness.com

If you actually work for yourself, you're a winner. Congratulations, you've arrived at email address Mecca. If you don't work for yourself/have no reason to have your own .com, you're probably vain, maybe delusional.

3. You Use Your Work Email

HAS HILLARY TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?????? You're a workaholic, and too busy to be bothered by changing email addresses to email your friends.

4. SexyBeast69@Hotmail.com

You are the year 2001 personified. You care so little about email that you're still using the one you made when you were sixteen. You don't see the problem but everyone else thinks it's weird and childish. (Which maybe you are, too.)

5. YourNameAndBirthYear@Yahoo.com

You are everyone's dad.

6. YourAlias@AOL.com

You are either a confused grandparent or a shady character trying to hide something, like a proclivity for cake farts.

7. YourStudentNumber@YourSchool.edu

We get it, you're educated. You like to wear your studies where people can see them, but in reality, no one wants to type out/will ever remember your 18 letter/number combo student number at equally long school name email.

Images: NBC; Giphy (6)