What Your Favorite Sandwich Says About Your Sex Life
Thought it might feel like it every day, today is actually National Sandwich day, so — Happy National Sandwich Day to you and yours! Take today to celebrate your appreciation for a meal so special and so loving that it's completely contingent on two pieces of bread hugging their guests. Making a sandwich for yourself is one way to show yourself love, and making a sandwich for others is one way to share your love. Some might argue that fire or WiFi are the best inventions, but I'm going to go ahead and state that I believe sandwiches are a close second. They are simple, portable, delicious and compact, with endless diverse options and can be eaten at any time of day or night. Was there ever a meal so accommodating and lovable?
And speaking of lovable, you are. Which reminds me — let's talk about sex. In honor of the biblically epic day, honoring one of man's most valuable creations, we bring you a scientifically un-proven guide to your sex life as dictated by your sandwich preference. Because while scientific studies are useful and important, sometimes non-sensical creativity-driven ideas are more fun to read about. So, with out further ado, this is what your favorite sandwich says about your sex life. (But please note, no scientific journals were consulted while creating this list, and we're all entitled to our sandwich opinions, even if they're wrong.)
If you're a grilled cheese lover, you're a comfort-seeker. You like to be cozy and feel safe. You want your partner to stick around in the morning, and afternoon, and night, hell, you don't want your partner to ever leave. Some might even consider you needy. You just can't get enough of that warm feeling.
PB & J
If this childhood classic is your adult favorite, you've got a light and playful attitude between the sheets. You like to keep things simple — no breathy promises, no dirty talk, just good old plain fun. But that doesn't mean you're boring, far from it! You're in the moment and conventional, you stick with what works.
If you can't get enough of that tuna salad sandwich, you're probably better at getting the job done by yourself. You like sex, but you like it with yourself better.
Nothing better than a bacon, egg and cheese after a night of drinking. If this is your favorite sandwich, you're a fan of drunk sex. While you realize that sober sex is fantastic too, you prefer to go out, get rip-roaring drunk and have uninhibited, wild sex with your partner ... and then wake up in the morning and soak it up with a B.E.C.
This pickled sandwich choice is indicative of your pickled sex life. You're very into fingers and toes and this is clear between the sheets. Sucking, teasing, toying, you're into it all.
This big sammy packs a lot of energy, and you'll need it because you're into all-nighters. You're into a night-long event — heck, it might extend straight into the morning before you require a little shut eye.
Philly Cheese Steak
This no-nonsense sandwich preference reveals your rough and tough attitude towards sex. You're not into frills like roses and romance and Bach, you like to get down and dirty and do what feels good. You're not afraid to *voice* your feelings either.
Two pieces of bread are not enough for you. You like to add in a third piece for a little extra fun.
You're not shy. You enjoy a little striptease before you get under the covers. Sex with the lights on is fine by you, you have nothing to hide and everything to show off.
You're the most intimate of lovers. You like to hold your lover in a close, connected embrace. Your romps are passionate, romantic, intense and focused. There's no room for distractions.
Foreplay is your main event. Meat is not the focus of your sex life. You can get off without it.
You like a little banana with your peanut butter? A little pear with your goat cheese? A little apple with your cheddar? Yes, I know your kind. You like to get loud and get creative. You're into role play, self expression and pleasure extremes. Go you!
You hedonistic wild child, you! You have a fiery, indulgent romantic in you and it calls all the shorts. You live your life the way you lead your sex life — with zest!