All things considered, it’s been a crazy two weeks for Justin Bieber. He debuted the dance music video for “Sorry,” followed up with the lyrics video for “Sorry” and continuing with an actual sorry for walking off stage after only one song. I’m sure you know what came next: the music video for “I’ll Show You.” Um, yeah, Bieber’s next move has been to release the highly waterfall-filled video for “I’ll Show You,” and it’s got us all thinking existentially.
Well, I don’t want to speak for all you Beliebers. If you’re a big Bieber fan, it’s like, very plausible that all your thoughts while watching a Bieber video are all “YAAAS,” and high pitched squeals. But for the casual, everyday music fan, seeing something like “I’ll Show You” makes you worry about both the frightening logistics of scaling cliffs and implausibility of bathing in the lake in your underoos. Hashtag my Calvins?
Seriously, put the video on mute (it’s no big loss, and frankly, it’s no “Sorry”) and try not to be concerned about Bieber’s scenic but dangerous nature hike. Go on and watch the video below, and then revisit the 15 thoughts you’ll inevitably have when watching the music video for “I’ll Show You.”
1. "Oh My God, How High Is That, How THIN Is That?"
How absolutely crazy would it be if he slipped off and fell, because unless the moss provides GREAT traction that's EXACTLY what it looks like is about to happen.
2. "Ok, See, THIS Looks A LOT Less Intimidating, I Would Be Cool With This."
Not really sure about those pants, though, or is it a confusing shorts-legging combo?
3. "Is That Water Splattered On The Camera, Seriously?"
How can we throw down millions to film a gorgeous, lush landscape, but we can't manage to just wipe off the camera properly.
4. "Ugh, This Isn't a Lush, Gorgeous Landscape."
What is this, the rich brown waters of the Jersey shore?
5. "I Wonder What Justin Is Going To Do Next When He's Done Returning The One Ring To Mordor."
The Shire really is lovely this time of the year.
6. "Now See, THIS Water Is Decidedly Better."
I still don't know if I would commit to swimming in it... or I would at least wait until I was wearing a proper swimsuit.
7. "These Shoes Just Don't Look Conducive For That Kind Of Terrain."
Maybe some Timberlands would be better? I'm not an expert on muddy, rocky lake floor.
8. "BUT WHAT IF HE FALLS, THO?"
"Oh, just casually sitting on the edge of a cliff, like I always do." YEAH, RIGHT.
9. "Aw, Is He Crying Into His Hand?"
Did he not bring tissues, or like... some fresh 100 dollar bills to dry his tears? Sadface.
What fanciful paradise has an abandoned airplane skatepark just lying around?
11. "This Just Looks Painful."
I get the cache of rolling whimsically down a hill, but the lumpiness of this hill has me concerned.
12. "OK, HOW DID HE END UP IN THE ARTIC?"
Where's all the vivid greenery I was just getting so fond of, did he flap his wings and just end up somewhere else?
13. "And WHY Is Bieber In This Icy Tundra, Anyway?"
Plz tell me that he went up to the North Pole to visit Santa, he's still like, 12, right?
14. "Where Did He Find Bleach In The North Pole?"
Is there a CVS up there?
15. "Also I Guess The Fact That He's Walking Backwards Into Ice Water Is Strange."
Rich people vacation weird.
You don't have to prove anything else to us, dude, I think we've seen enough.
Images: JustinBieberVEVO/YouTube (16)