When I first moved to Brooklyn I would tell people the second biggest selling point of my apartment (between from "unrealistically huge" and "near a goddamn park") was it's down-the-street proximity to a monumentally amazing pizza place. And my friends were thrilled for this win, because society has proven time and time again that pizza lovers exist all around us. Maybe it's the rat dragging a slice down the subway steps, or maybe it's your favorite badass babe on television. Today I'd like to make an ode to the latter.
See, before Pizza Rat encapsulated your love for the cheesy, marinara-y delicacy, there were plenty of heroines of the small screen that understood that pizza life. Some were hardcore foodies that embraced all sorts of edible treats, whereas others were pizza purists, straying rarely from the ultimate meal. All of them deserve recognition and solidarity.
So I combed through the nuances of some of my favorite childhood and post-adolescent shows to find these pizza lovers. Though the search was hard, I’m glad to say pop culture has some really great women on Team Pizza.
Without further delay, here are some fantastic ladies that share our everlasting love for pizza. May it never find out about our affair with Chipotle.
1. Clarissa Darling
She eventually caved when bribed with free pizza during an editor-in-chief stint at her school newspaper, and I 300 percent support it. Journalistic integrity be damned!
2. Stephanie Tanner
Not just a beautiful gif! In "The Devil Made Me Do It," Kimmy and Stephanie are at odds (again), and DJ, trying to find commonalities, asks Stephanie what her favorite food is. Stephanie replies with pizza (obviously) and it turns out Kimmy loves pizza too. Just... not as much as trout.
3. Leslie Knope
Waffles are her pick, let's be real, but I don't think Leslie would ever turn down a pizza. Even though Ben is more of a calzone guy (which is ridiculous, why would you choose the thing that's just a lesser version of pizza), he is also an angel of a husband for marrying mac and cheese with the finest food in existence. Honorary Mention to April Ludgate for this:
It like doesn't even make sense, but I also feel it on a soul level...?
4. Sailor Moon
Actually Sailor Moon (or Serena, or Usagi, whatever is your poison) doesn't discriminate against any food. Still, I think back to one glorious episode where the Sailor Scouts are eating pizza, and Sailor Moon, sans magical Moon tiara, has to use a full pizza in its stead.
WAIT, pump the breaks, that's a FULL pizza wasted on some Phage-of-the-week. Jk, guys, Sailor Moon is a monster.
5. & 6. Lorelai & Rory Gilmore
Coffee wins out, being the surrogate Gilmore Girl. Any junk and/or diner food is welcome for the Gilmores. Still, nothing quite compliments Donna Reed night than Dean-delivered pizza.
7. Liz Lemon
We're all dedicated pizza freaks here, but can you shotgun it ? No. Leave that to the pizza masters, like Liz Lemon.
8. Daria Morgendorffer
Of everyone in this list, Daria is the most monogamously committed to pizza. It's not shocking that in the sick, sad, world that is Lawndale, Daria can find a silver lining by complaining with Jane over a slice. Isn't that how we all get high school? I'm pretty sure that's why pizza gets a shout out in her graduation speech.
9. Mary Kate And Ashley Olsen
This was technically not a TV show, so much as it was a straight-to-video episode in the "You're Invited" series. Whatever, you don't own me. My point is, Stephanie wasn't the only one in the Full House that loved pizza. Mary Kate and Ashley (or this singing fictionalized version of them) wrote a whole SONG about it.
And with that I give you a brilliant song that resonates with me a personal level: "Gimme Pizza." Take it away, Olsen twins!
Images: Giphy (9)