I'm not proud of the things I've done to accomplish a good 'gram – for they are vast and varied. Alas, social media does not seem to be going anywhere. So if you're going to join in, why not be the best faux life curator you can be? That's what my great, great, great grandmother once said, anyway. (This is not true.)
But the truth of the matter is that social media matters. Not in the grand scheme of things...we won't be telling our children one day about a photo that received a lot of likes and misconstrue it for accolades (I hope!), but it matters in the job force, especially if you're in a creative industry. Hell, even the presidential candidates are labeled by their social media handles on their podiums. If Hillary Clinton can be confident standing in front of an @ sign, I can be too.
And yet, no matter how ubiquitous it all is, it's still slightly embarrassing to take part in it. I admit to 'gram shaming people who are hovering over their food in a restaurant with their phones or unleashing a selfie stick on the busy streets. So, to be fair, I'll throw some shade at myself. Here are seven things I've done to get the perfect Instagram — and don't lie to yourself, you've done it too.
Put On A Face Full Of Make Up
Yes, you've done it. With nowhere to go, just for the sake of posting a glamorous picture of yourself. I'm much more of a hermit than a social butterfly, so when I'm home, alone wrapped up in a blanket reading some piece of cerebral and depressive work of fiction with zit cream all over my face, and I see people posting gorgeous pictures of themselves out and about, I'm all :-/.
Changed Your Outfit To Avoid Duplicates
You know you're not Kylie Jenner, you don't have swarms of paparazzi taking your picture and uploading it to fashion blogs, but you just don't like to repeat outfits! If you know there's a picture of you online somewhere wearing an outfit, you'll make sure to change something about it to make it look different.
Gone Out For The 'Gram
You know that moment when your friends are trying to get you to go out and you're like, I definitely don't want to go, but then you think about all the pictures you'll see online and your FOMO sets in and all of a sudden your legs are walking you out the door?
Anyone See That Backflip?
Ever catch yourself being especially hammy or silly or adventurous when you're around people with their phones out? Don't lie, you've put on a show hoping it will end up in someones feed.
Made A Meal For The 'Gram
Breakfast bowls were doing quite well for a while. Be honest with yourself, would you really sprinkle neat little rows of chia seeds, almond slivers and perfectly sliced strawberries if you weren't going to photograph it?
Waited Until The Coast Was Clear
You're walking down the street, you find something that you think will make a totally awesome 'gram, but there are people in the way. So you wait, and wait, and wait until the coast is clear and you can 'gram without shame or embarrassment.
Planned The 'Gram
Before you even get to where you going, you know what kind of picture you want to take and you know what the caption is going to be. And you won't leave until you get what you came for!
Are you guilty of all this awkwardness? So am I. So is everyone. So don't beat yourself up about it. Just make sure to get outside, smell the roses and unplug every once and a while. Live your life like the power's out.