There are a lot of ridiculous stereotypes out there regarding sex and motherhood thanks to pretty much every sitcom and movie I’ve ever watched since we I was a kid. We are led to believe that moms fall into one of two types on the sexuality spectrum: She’s either the laundry-doing, minivan-driving soccer mom who constantly tells her husband she’s too tired for sex or she’s a MILF.
As my friend with two young kids shared with me, finding time in an average day for sex can be difficult. First and foremost, you have to think about your kids and their schedule. Since both she and her partner work, by the time the two of them get home, they focus on feeding the kids and prepping them for bed. At the end of the day, they’re just exhausted. Yet somehow, she and her partner find a way to make their sex lives work. After all, kids have to go sleep sometime.
In the latest episode of the “I Want It That Way” podcast, Romper’s Managing Editor, Margaret Wheeler-Johnson, and Senior Web Culture Editor Jessica Blankenship talk sex and motherhood. They tackle everything from the differences between the single mom dating experience and sex after giving birth in a committed relationship to why they absolutely hate the word, “MILF.” Take a listen below:
Here are some more things they touched on:
It May Not Happen Right Away
As both women shared, feeling comfortable enough with themselves and their bodies to have sex again didn’t happen overnight. While pregnancy made them fully embrace their bodies, the fear of not having things return “back to normal” was a barrier to having sex again.
Sometimes You Just Get Tired
Having a newborn can take a lot out of you. Things get busy, and people get tired. But as Blankenship shared, that didn’t necessarily mean she and her partner were distant nor was she shutting down any sexual impulses.
Sex Can Make You Appreciate Your Body More
Leaky boobs can be a funny addition to your sex life when you end up having it again. But as Blankenship says, “I’m way more in tune to my body now. I know what it does a lot more. I’ve seen it do a lot more sh*t now.”
Being A Single Mom Can Make You Much Better At Dating
“It really forces you to have boundaries and to have really healthy ones,” Blankenship says. Because she has another person to look after, she unlikely to make time to see someone unless she truly likes them. She’s less inclined to rush things, enjoys all stages of a relationship more, and believes that sex is just more fun that way. Plus, it adds one more layer to the relationship vetting process, so she’s less likely to waste time on people who she has less of a connection with.
Having A Supportive Partner Makes All The Difference
According to Wheeler-Johnson, her first time having sex postpartum was delayed because she felt anxious over how her partner felt about her body since she saw her give birth.
“I was kind of embarrassed by it. She was like, ‘This is so cool. It’s like the baby came out of vagina wrapping paper,” Wheeler-Johnson says. “It didn’t seem so cool to me at the moment, but she gave such a positive response.”
Having a partner who’s supportive and gives you positive responses makes all the difference in sex.
“There’s just something about knowing that the person you’re sleeping with just got a mouthful of breast milk and is just like, 'Whatever, bodies are weird and gross and you’re beautiful and this is awesome. Let’s do this.' I think that’s kind of the ideal and it really set the tone,” Blankenship says. “I was like, OK, having sex after a baby is really a thing that can happen and can be fine.”
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