Despite all the fun and potential for amazing orgasms, sex is gross sometimes. You don't see them in the movies, but the gross things that happen every time you have sex are actually totally normal. It doesn’t matter how much you’re turned on or how into it you are — if something’s gross, even during peak arousal, you’re going to be very aware of it. Which is actually a good thing; it means you’re in the moment, and that’s exactly where you should be during sex.
While what type of gross things that happen during sex can vary — like puking or squirting breast milk — there are specific examples which you just can’t avoid when you're doing it regularly. It’s just part of getting it on with another human being. Frankly, the gross things that happen during sex are far worse than the type of gross things you might experience in the real world (I stepped over a dead rat today, for example, and that wasn’t pretty), but they still make for awkward situations that you'll later laugh about.
Here are eight gross but normal things that happen during sex, every time.
1. The Noises
Even if no one has actually farted, sometimes when two bodies get close, stick together, then pop apart, there’s a noise that resembles a fart. It’s not a pretty noise, but it happens all the time — especially with the missionary position.
2. Potent Smells
Sex smells. Even if you’re into what you’re doing, it can be a bit distracting. I’m all for enjoying the natural smell of my partner, but if someone hasn't showered in a couple days? Then WOW.
Queefing is basically a release of air during penetration. Depending on how much air your partner is catching, you can have some pretty loud queefing action. Granted, it’s normal and happens to everyone with a vagina, but it doesn’t change the fact that the noise can be awkward and ill-timed.
4. Excessive Sweating
I don’t know about you, but sweating — especially getting other people’s sweat ON me — is the stuff of my nightmares. Even if you’re having sex in the dead of winter, if you’re really giving it your all, there will be sweat, and lots of it. It makes sense. Your heart rate is up and you’re insanely turned on, so yeah, you’re going to sweat. While a little sweating is OK, where things get gross is when your partner is just pouring sweat all over you... like, a shower of sweat.
5. The Wet Spot
Whether or not you use a condom, there is the inevitable wet spot left on the bed that’s either the result of his semen or your vagina's natural lubrication. It’s a funky mixture that isn’t just a little smelly, but also ends up leading to a debate as to who will be stuck sleeping on it. Call me crazy, but I do not want to be the one stuck sleeping on the wet spot… although I have been. Ugh.
Kissing is gross. So. Gross. While we all love to kiss, because it’s so amazing and feels wonderful both during foreplay and sex, the fact that 80 million bacteria are exchanged with every kiss is basically this germaphobe’s nightmare. I’ll repeat it: So. Gross.
7. Pubic Hair For A Snack
If you go down on someone with pubic hair, there is always — like, always — the strong possibility that you will get at least one strand of it in your mouth. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to remove it quickly, do your best to shake it off, and continue on. However, on the off chance that you don’t catch it in time, then you can find yourself choking on a pube, and that's no fun. You go from hot, awesome oral sex to running around the apartment looking for bread or something, anything, that you can swallow to push it down your throat, because there’s no chance of it coming back up at that point.
Because farting noises and queefing aren't enough, there’s often actual farting during sex. Even if you can’t hear or smell it, someone definitely farted. It’s hard not to fart with all that bumping and grinding going on — you're human! Anyone who tells you that they've never accidentally farted during sex is lying.
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