A Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Drinking Game To Get You Through The Holiday
If there is one that I look forward to on Thanksgiving — more than my mother’s stuffing, more than the apple pie that we ship in from Vermont, and more than the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade itself — it’s the booze. And it’s not because I regularly enjoy pregaming a meal of gigantic proportions (in fact, I strongly advise against it), but because what else is there to do on a day that is literally all about sitting around, watching TV, and eating like you'll never see mashed potatoes ever again? Honestly, Thanksgiving reminds me a lot of college. You know, those days where you would decide not to do any work and not do anything other than sit around in your dorm with your hallmates and watch television until your mind went a little numb. And what did you always do to make those days even better? (Besides order pizza, that is.) Drink! In fact making up drinking games that went along with whatever you were watching — Joe Millionaire, The O.C., even A Baby Story if you were really desperate — made the entire day all the more exciting. For these reasons, I believe drinking games and Thanksgiving make a wonderful duo.
Listen, I’m not encouraging you to pull a Drunk Uncle this holiday season. Please keep it together and always imbibe in moderation. But I honestly can’t think of a better way to get through a day of sitting on a couch with people you only see once a year than by sipping on a Bloody Mary.
So try this one for size: A Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade drinking game to help get you through an entire day of your aunt passive aggressively bad mouthing your boyfriend and your grandfather silently hogging the remote as if there were nobody else in the room.
1. Add A Dash Of Hot Sauce To Your Bloody Mary Every Time A Marching Band Member Drops A Baton
So that you can feel the heat they’re likely feeling under their collars after messing up in front of millions.
2. Add A Splash Of Vodka To Your Bloody Mary Every Time A Broadway Musical Performs
It will make the horrible lip-syncing go by faster. Speaking of which…
3. Take A Sip Every Time Someone Is Clearly Lip-Syncing
Small sips, though, because with the time lapse at this parade, it’s bound to happen constantly.
4. Pour A New Drink Every Time A Balloon Gets Free
And get ready to watch those people on the ground struggle.
5. Make Someone Drink Every Time A Pop Star Is Seen Singing With Puppets
Make sure that person is of legal drinking age though. You don’t want to send any confusing signals like Kelly Clarkson and Big Bird do.
6. Do A Waterfall If The Rockettes Are Out Of Sync
Unlikely to happen—those girls are consummate professionals—but just in case, you have to be ready with an equally big performance.
7. Finish Your Drink When You See Santa Claus
‘Cause it’s time to let the frenzy begin!
Three hours is a long time to be sitting in front of the television, especially that early in the morning. But considering this parade will only take you until around noon, let this drinking game help prepare you for the rest of the day with family and friends. After all, there’s no better way to show your loved ones you’re truly thankful than with a buzzed confession of deep and abiding love for them.